The Adventures of Baby Arthur

So this topic turned out to be a sore spot. After some bickering and discussion, here is Liz's position and Moira's comment for those of you who didn't see the comments because you're getting an RSS feed. If you're one of those, hey check the site directly!

Liz Says ****************

Look, I get it. I know all kids will have to go through criticism, judgment, competition (whether good or not so good) and such. We as adults go through it everyday of our lives and at times we are even our harshest critics upon ourselves. This is the way the world works and it's tough but it is reality and there is nothing more that I want to do than to provide Arthur with the necessary skills, mindset and attitude to handle them BUT in my opinion, there are some things at such an early stage that really he just does not need to know. At the end of the day, does keeping score about one’s ability to out crawl or out walk another toddler will really make a difference?

The reality is, kids these days probably have more to deal with at school, with friends, on the playground that we ever had to experience in our childhood. In fact, they will have a lifetime to learn how to compete and deal with criticism and such. They will experience it throughout their teen years then into their adulthood, their careers, grad school, with their future friendships / relationships, with their bosses, with any sports activities and the list goes on and on. Thus, there is plenty of time for children to learn how to handle criticism and judgment. They will go through a lifetime of judgment from their peers alone and quite frankly I do not want to be one of his critics. Not in the way, where it could possibly hinder him or damper his spirits. I will provide my criticism when time comes and when I deem appropriate where he can learn from it if he chooses to.

My point is, why start it out so early? To me, I want to give him the support and confidence he will need to know how to tackle adversary and know how to win a good win but on his own terms. The lessons he will learn will be his own, we can only advice him as he goes along and set good examples.

When I initially read the "Keeping Score" blog, I felt kind of sad. Not so much that Arthur has taken his time with crawling to walking as many toddlers do but the fact that one day, Arthur may read this at some point when he is able to. Who knows at what age? Will it be an age where he can read but does not yet have the maturity level to grasp the content of it but just mistake it as a critic about his crawling and walking abilities? Will he truly comprehend the content that his father is not judging him but merely pointing out the facts assuming that he can read at an early age?

In my opinion, there are just some words and actions that are best left in the adult world. Let children be children and thrive and grow and experience the ups and downs that the world has to offer. It is our jobs after all as parents to acknowledge the fact that toddlers at this stage will do things at their own pace and it is our jobs to teach them as best as we can and be patient with him as he is with us as we are ourselves learning to be parents.

Moira Says **********************

Where do I begin? I can understand both Lincoln and Liz's POV.I think whether we like it or not, there are and always will be comparisons amongst children (even adults, for that matter). All parents use another child to "keep score", especially first-time parents. My friends and I always ask each other when our child has reached a certain milestone.

Myself and See-Fut also keep score in our own way...not to see whether Wylie cant "outscore" someone else, but to know that he is on the right track. As first-time parents, it's tough. You want to make sure your child is going in the right direction. It may be a little too early to start and worry. As Liz points out, they WILL have to face alot more as they grow older, so why start so early?

In the end, we all just want what is best for our children. By no means do we mean to criticize them....we are the ones who created them! We'll love them no matter what!

Labels: fatherhood, motherhood, parenting