The Adventures of Baby Arthur

by Lincoln

Liz has introduced Arthur to the exciting world of Gymboree. He's definitely too young for pre-school, but we both agreed that the more interactions with other children Arthur has, the better off he will be socially as he grows older. As all parents, we hope for Arthur to be a well-balanced individual.

While we have been taking Arthur to the park on a fairly regular basis, Gymboree is a little different. It's an actual class and interaction with other children is almost requisite, even though 15-month old children don't really know how to play with each other! We've grown accustomed to Arthur's personality around the house, but observing his personality as it related to the other children at Gymboree was an unanticipated.. surprise (for lack of a better word)!

You could say Arthur can be expressive and passionate.



When he gets excited, he has a tendency to jump up and down, point and exclaim. Sometimes he'll poke and grab, but never in a way we've ever thought was hurtful! I'm sure he picked up the poking from me, as I do have a tendency to poke him like the Pillsbury Doughboy (hee hee!). Needless to say, at Gymboree, Arthur's enthusiasm may have been construed as aggression at times. Liz was present to mediate the situation and to make sure Arthur didn't knock anyone over!

When she came back from the visit, we both wondered aloud if we have a bully on our hands. I definitely do not think Arthur is a bully. But, if I had to choose, I'd prefer he bully then be bullied. OF COURSE I want neither! But we don't always get to choose do we? I was bullied throughout my entire childhood, all the way up through my junior year of high school. I was always small and I didn't even break 100lbs until the 9th grade. I was also always in the minority as a Chinese-American. I was a prime target at school and prime target at home too! It's possible that no one bullied me more than my older brother, who is built like Bolo Yeung.




Don't ask me how we're related. (Photo from ImDB)


While I eventually got over it, my experience as "the bullied" left a mark and there is no doubt that bullying has long term effects. I do believe that adversity builds character and maybe it made me a tougher person. But, I still feel the anxiety from being bullied as a child today. I'm not sure I would want Arthur to have to go through it.

This topic came up the other night while I was having a few drinks with my close friends Lance, Henry, Sanjay Brown and Shugs. Today, bullying is a big deal! If the government makes an entire website about the problem, it's a big deal. There were strong feelings about this topic all around the table. Shugs and I were on the same page. Lance, a social worker, had a very strong reaction towards the victims of bullying and immediately switched to caretaker mode.

However, no reaction was stronger than Sanjay Brown's. It's common knowledge that when adults have to deal with children, we have to face our own childhood demons. It's important to keep those demons in check. Sanjay Brown seemed to almost shut down when recounting his memories of being bullied and he didn't even hear my arguments at all!

Yes, bullying is bad, we all agree. I do not want Arthur to be a bully. I will do everything I can to teach him empathy and the evils of bullying if he needs to be taught that lesson. But, it is definitely easier to teach a child not to bully than to teach a child how to deal with a bully! No one is ever going to convince me otherwise! I've wondered alot about what I would say to Arthur if he ever came home crying because some bully picked on him. For now, I'd have to say I'd lean towards the lessons of Michael Westen, who also has advice for kids too (See below!).

I guess Liz and I will have to cross this bridge if we ever reach it.

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Hilarious Lesson for a Kid Dealing With a Bully - from one of my favorite shows Burn Notice! From Season 1, "Pilot", script provided by TwizTv.com. You can also see the full episode here. Unfortunately, I couldn't find any edited video excerpt high-lighting this!

MICHAEL WESTEN: That black eye. How'd you get it?

DAVID: Kids at school.

MICHAEL WESTEN: Yeah, why?

DAVID: I don't know. They don't need a reason, mostly. Last time, they took my new shoes. The time before, it was just [shrugs] "'cuz".

MICHAEL WESTEN: How many were there? Is it a group or an individual? It matters... tactically.

DAVID: [irritably] It's a group. They get up in my face, and they start pounding me, okay?

[He keeps his back to Michael. Michael hears him sniffle.]

MICHAEL WESTEN: [uncomfortably] Are you crying?

[David shakes his head.]

MICHAEL WESTEN: You're not crying? Looks like you're crying. Don't, okay?

[David doesn't comply.]

MICHAEL WESTEN: All right, don't cry. All right, stop, all right?

[He walks over to David and pats him on the back.]

MICHAEL WESTEN: You have to lose some fights so you can learn to win. I mean, look at this.

[Michael lifts up his T-shirt, exposing his bruised ribs.]

MICHAEL WESTEN: I got the crap beat out of me. I have two black belts, and they kicked my ass. So you got nothing to be ashamed of with me, okay? I'm the champ of getting beaten up. But I'm also very good at winning. You want it to stop?

DAVID: Yeah.

MICHAEL WESTEN: The key to fighting a group is taking out its leader. Take out its leader, they'll all leave you alone. It's bully psychology. Works with third-world military units, as well. When I was in Afghanistan... [stops himself] Never mind that. Um, who's the leader?

DAVID: His name's Jake.

MICHAEL WESTEN: Jake.

[And Operation Take-Out-The-Leader-Bully begins. Michael stands in front of David (who's just half his size.).]

MICHAEL WESTEN: I'm gonna push you. When I do that, you drop down into a ball like you're scared.

[Michael pushes David. David drops to the ground.]

MICHAEL WESTEN: Protect yourself. Tight up like a ball.

[Sitting on the ground, David pulls his legs close and wraps his arms around them, keeping his head between his knees.]

MICHAEL WESTEN: Good. Now, he's gonna move in to make fun of you. [pushing David's elbows inside] Keep those elbows tight. [pretend-kicks David's sides] He tries to kick you. Protect that spleen, protect that liver. [leaning over David] I want you to stand up quick and get your head right up underneath my chin. Okay? Go![Michael keeps his hand underneath his chin. David jumps up and hits his head against into Michael's hand. Michael lets out a fake grunt.]

MICHAEL WESTEN: I'm a little dazed. Make your fist. [counts as he and David clenches his fingers] One, two, three, four, five. Now box him.[David sends his fist as hard as he can into Michael's palm. He tries it out three more times. Michael holds his fist and chuckles.]

MICHAEL WESTEN: Very good.

Labels: parenting