The Adventures of Baby Arthur

by Lincoln

In my mind, I often play out conversations that I will likely someday have with Arthur and I think about the kind of advice I would give. Arthur may not yet speak, but I don't think I'm the only parent that does this. In a July post titled The Rules: 25 Life lessons for my daughter, MetroDad laments about how his father never had any advice for him. You could say I've been thinking about this topic since before Arthur was born. And I will definitely say, I've thought an awful lot about my own relationship with my father in the process.

I am of the belief that parenting is all about trying not to "screw your kids up" too much. I know that both of my parents, in their successes and failures with my siblings and I, were only trying their very best to do what they thought was right for us. I certainly didn't understand this as a child and I still remember scoffing whenever my mom would say "wait until you have a child someday." Mom, I get it now!

While my mother was a housewife and she was the one that "raised" us, my father was undoubtedly the patriarch, master and commander. His words pierced and his influence over my entire personality is both undeniable and evident.

I owe my Father everything. And I appreciate everything he's done for me. I couldn't ask for a better Dad.

Our family household was not of the typical Asian mold, where the Mother tends to the house and the Father is silent. It was more like chaos and my Father was never short of things to say. Growing up, it was advice, advice and more advice (Actually this hasn't changed all that much!). Advice on everything, from the simple to the serious. Typical scene in the car: Older siblings incessantly arguing with my father while I stare out the window. For some reason, I was the one that took to my father's words the most and followed his mold. His way of thinking was seared into my brain as I followed his footsteps and studied engineering in college. Later on, I even made a career switch into his field despite success (and talent!) in other arenas. Somehow, my own passions and beliefs were lost through it all. It took me a long time to realize that maybe that wasn't such a good idea. This may be a ridiculously abbreviated version of the story, but you'll never hear me blame anyone but myself for the choices that I made. But I guess I finally grew up. And now I have a kid too!

Unfortunately, I never got to meet my Grandfather, but I'm told that he was a man of few words and short on advice. As the pendulum swings back, I pledge not to allow my own personality to overshadow Arthur. I will work my butt off to give Arthur the same advantages that my parents gave to me. I do have lessons to teach and I want Arthur to have a good head on his shoulders, but hopefully my advice (where appropriate!) will be more like suggestions and less like mandates! If the boy wants to be a musician, let him be a musician.. hopefully he becomes a rock star! Without the drugs, of course (Yes that's a MANDATE).

We'll see how I feel about this in 15 years.

Labels: parenting