The Adventures of Baby Arthur

by Lincoln & Liz

I never noticed babies in bars until Liz was pregnant. Once I did start noticing, I was not a fan. First, let me clarify what I mean by a "baby in a bar" by defining the situation I am referring to. In New York City and other dense metropolitan areas like Manhattan, there is a very fine line between a restaurant/bar and a full fledged BAR where adults meet, greet and frolic. Many places are regular restaurants by day and hopping hot spots by night (let's say 10PM). By hopping hot spots, I mean that the music is cranking, the chatter is deafening and people are there to DRINK even if the establishment might still be serving food. This is the situation I am talking about: Past 10PM at a place where adults have gone to drink and socialize.

Here are two situations that I witnessed that made me feel the way I do.

Situation #1: It was past 10pm and I was hanging out with a few friends for a late meal and drinks when a large group with an infant walked in. The infant was asleep (or trying to), with earmuffs on while his parents and their friends were doing their thing. Maybe they were on vacation. Maybe they keep late hours. Whatever the reason, it bothered me. Let the poor baby sleep in his crib or bed!

Situation #2: It was past 10pm, and I was hanging out with a few friends for DRINKS. A party of adults had reserved a part of the bar for a gathering of some sort. Among them was a family of five (5) with three (3) boys ages six through twelve (my guess). While me and my buddies watched the Yankee game, the three boys were lined up at the bar doing shots of water. Well it looked like water anyway. I'm assuming the bartender wouldn't be serving vodka to children! This also bothered me. Right or wrong, I didn't feel comfortable with that scene. Give me some credit for trying not to judge!

So then the other day I came across this article on CitySearch about baby friendly bars around the city. Now I began to wonder, is this baby-in-bar thing a new trend? Is it a Manhattan phenomenon? To help answer this question, Liz did some poking around our favorite baby resource, BabyCenter. Here were some of the main points:

• In an unscientific survey of 53 mothers, 70% shared our discomfort with babies in bars.
• Believe it or not, not only is it common for minors to drink with their parents in Wisconsin, it is legal!
• The most common concern among mothers is second-hand smoke. A legitimate concern, but thankfully NYC has a non-smoking law in place for all restaurants and bars.

Some of those that commented mentioned that they felt it was okay to bring a baby to bar during the daytime. Or that if a restaurant they were eating at happened to have a bar, it was no big deal. Or that the bowling alley that they frequented had a bar and that they didn't think it was a problem.

I couldn't agree more!

Just the other weekend, Liz, Arthur and I went to an impromptu wings eating contest at a BAR where plenty of beer was consumed.

This is not the kind of situation I am talking about. I do not think there's anything wrong with bringing Arthur along to an innocuous situation, like a wings eating contest at 12pm, and having a beer for myself. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I completely understand that parents need to maintain their own sanity by doing things for themselves once in awhile, like having drinks past 10pm! However, sometimes it's just better to leave the kid at home with a babysitter. Spending a little extra time planning a night out can go a long way for everyone!

Whaddya mean you want to check my ID??

Labels: parenting

by Lincoln

Personally, I like the mad scientist look! But we did eventually need to take Arthur for a haircut and we did so last week. This haircut was not Arthur's first. I bravely attempted to give Arthur his first haircut myself, which quickly turned into fiasco. Not only was I extremely nervous about accidental impalement, my hands were not quick enough, steady enough or straight enough for a delicate little head that wouldn't keep still! Within minutes, the barber's apron was on the floor, baby hair was all over the place and what we ended up with was a head that resembled a poorly mowed lawn. My only saving grace is that we don't have any pictures that accurately depict the disaster!


This time, Liz took Arthur to a professional - Doodle Doo's Children's Hair Salon in the West Village.



They know what they're doing at Doodle Doo's. That's a wooden boat that Arthur is sitting in! Blowing bubbles and books for fun and a TV to mesmerize him enough to keep him still. Genius!! Add a swift professional pair of hands and you end up with a handsome haircut for a handsome little boy! Doodle Doo's also features a store where you could buy toys, books or other children's paraphernalia.


Cost: $35.


Now I've never spent $35 on a haircut in my entire life, but, at least Arthur looks good! I'm guessing we'll be taking him back for his next cut too.

Labels: arthur, nyc

So this topic turned out to be a sore spot. After some bickering and discussion, here is Liz's position and Moira's comment for those of you who didn't see the comments because you're getting an RSS feed. If you're one of those, hey check the site directly!

Liz Says ****************

Look, I get it. I know all kids will have to go through criticism, judgment, competition (whether good or not so good) and such. We as adults go through it everyday of our lives and at times we are even our harshest critics upon ourselves. This is the way the world works and it's tough but it is reality and there is nothing more that I want to do than to provide Arthur with the necessary skills, mindset and attitude to handle them BUT in my opinion, there are some things at such an early stage that really he just does not need to know. At the end of the day, does keeping score about one’s ability to out crawl or out walk another toddler will really make a difference?

The reality is, kids these days probably have more to deal with at school, with friends, on the playground that we ever had to experience in our childhood. In fact, they will have a lifetime to learn how to compete and deal with criticism and such. They will experience it throughout their teen years then into their adulthood, their careers, grad school, with their future friendships / relationships, with their bosses, with any sports activities and the list goes on and on. Thus, there is plenty of time for children to learn how to handle criticism and judgment. They will go through a lifetime of judgment from their peers alone and quite frankly I do not want to be one of his critics. Not in the way, where it could possibly hinder him or damper his spirits. I will provide my criticism when time comes and when I deem appropriate where he can learn from it if he chooses to.

My point is, why start it out so early? To me, I want to give him the support and confidence he will need to know how to tackle adversary and know how to win a good win but on his own terms. The lessons he will learn will be his own, we can only advice him as he goes along and set good examples.

When I initially read the "Keeping Score" blog, I felt kind of sad. Not so much that Arthur has taken his time with crawling to walking as many toddlers do but the fact that one day, Arthur may read this at some point when he is able to. Who knows at what age? Will it be an age where he can read but does not yet have the maturity level to grasp the content of it but just mistake it as a critic about his crawling and walking abilities? Will he truly comprehend the content that his father is not judging him but merely pointing out the facts assuming that he can read at an early age?

In my opinion, there are just some words and actions that are best left in the adult world. Let children be children and thrive and grow and experience the ups and downs that the world has to offer. It is our jobs after all as parents to acknowledge the fact that toddlers at this stage will do things at their own pace and it is our jobs to teach them as best as we can and be patient with him as he is with us as we are ourselves learning to be parents.

Moira Says **********************

Where do I begin? I can understand both Lincoln and Liz's POV.I think whether we like it or not, there are and always will be comparisons amongst children (even adults, for that matter). All parents use another child to "keep score", especially first-time parents. My friends and I always ask each other when our child has reached a certain milestone.

Myself and See-Fut also keep score in our own way...not to see whether Wylie cant "outscore" someone else, but to know that he is on the right track. As first-time parents, it's tough. You want to make sure your child is going in the right direction. It may be a little too early to start and worry. As Liz points out, they WILL have to face alot more as they grow older, so why start so early?

In the end, we all just want what is best for our children. By no means do we mean to criticize them....we are the ones who created them! We'll love them no matter what!

Labels: fatherhood, motherhood, parenting

So Liz is unhappy with my last post. She is worried that Arthur will grow up, read the blog post and feel as if he was inadequate because of what I said.

I have re-read the post and I can't find a single statement that is critical Arthur. If anyone considers my compliment to Wylie ("advanced model") as a detraction on Arthur, well i'm sorry you feel that way. For the record, when I say "Keeping Score", I mean I remember the facts. The same way I remember how the Knicks lost Game 7 in the 1994 NBA finals. The game where John Starks shot 2 for 18. The game where Rolando Blackman should have been in the 4th quarter!

I'll take this another step further. I believe that Arthur is going to need thick skin to survive in this world and if he takes compliments to others as a criticisms of himself, then that's a problem that we're going to have to work on.

And Arthur, if you're reading this, Daddy only meant to say that he is proud of you! First words at 8-months is fantastic!

Our argument for now is left as a "difference in parenting."

Liz and Moira, lets see your comments!!

Labels: fatherhood, parenting

by Lincoln

Arthur
born: 6/24/2008
weight: 7lbs 7oz
length: 21 in.

Wylie
born: 5/9/2008
weight: 7lbs 14oz
length: 21 in.

Who here is keeping score anyway?! Cousins Arthur and Wylie may only be apart by 1.5 months, but Wylie has thus far proven to be the "advanced model."

At a mere 5 months, Wylie was crawling all over the place. By 9 months, he was walking. Soon after, he was taunting everyone around him by walking circles and drinking from his sippy cup hands-free!

Arthur has taken his time so far with such things. Perhaps it's my obsession with sports and statistics that causes me to keep score in the back of mind. I can't help it! I don't think I'm alone as a parent that anxiously waits and looks out for developmental milestones, such as speech and walking. I am also well aware that all kids go at their own pace too!

I guess always thought that "first word" and "started walking" were fixed and unambiguous events before Arthur came along and I didn't realize that there were gray areas of what counts and what doesn't count. Starting at about 5 months or so, Arthur started babbling "dadadada" and "mamama." Yes, in that order! I figured that the first word would only count if Arthur spoke the word on command or answered a question, so I didn't take those encouraging noises to heart.

By 8 months or so, there was more or less the same babbling going on with no clear signs of a first word. We try to read to Arthur as much as we can to help with his development, so we had been anxiously awaiting for some results! At about that time, my good friend and mother of two, Dina, came to visit me from the West Coast. As we discussed the first words dilemma, she informed me that her children took quite a bit of time before they would speak a word on demand and that Arthur's babbling words should count if he looked like he was trying to communicate. Just a few moments later, Arthur enthusiastically looked up at me, reached up and exclaimed "Da!". Dina, an authority on kids, counted the word.

I WIN! HE SAID DADA FIRST! And by 8 months too, not bad! :-D

By now Arthur has definitely said Mama and Dada. I swear he even said milk once as he pointed for his bottle! We've also made out a some Chinese words here and there (thanks to Grandma). This weekend has also brought even more excitement as Arthur has unquestionably taken his first steps. He stood up from a sitting position with nothing to hold on to and took 2 or 3 steps all by himself before sitting back down.

I couldn't be prouder, and it isn't because I'm unconsciously keeping score!

Labels: arthur, fatherhood

by Lincoln

Today I decided that I should perform some cursory research on schools. I have no clue how to pick a school, which schools Arthur is eligible to go to or what the process of any of this even is. (I'll tell you in advance right now that I still have no idea). Up until now, I've only had vague ideas of what I wanted in a school for Arthur.. like a school where metal detectors aren't needed or a school where all those nice well-to-do Manhattan-ites send their kids! So I popped open the NYC Department of Education's website and they told me to punch in some information to find my "zoned" schools. Then came up a list of PS this, M that.. what does it all mean? Which one is any good?? So my next step was to Google "Best Schools in NYC" and up came this list from New York Magazine. There I recognized the fourth school listed, P.S. 184: Shuang Wen School, which had also came up from my DOE search. So maybe now I'm getting somewhere!

I visited the Shuang Wen School website and started to read about their mission as a "the first dual language and dual culture public elementary and middle school in English and Mandarin Chinese on the east coast. Shuang Wen School incorporates a dual language and dual culture approach with parental involvement and community support to prepare its students to attain the highest standard in an increasingly global society."

Ok, I can dig that: bilingual skills, multi-cultural society, Chinese roots, and exposure to different cultures. As I read further about their mandatory after-school Chinese program from 2:30-5:30PM, my hands involuntarily began to break into a cold sweat. The brutal memories from years Saturday Chinese School came rolling in. The feelings from the torture of MORE classwork inflicted upon me from my parents! The agony! The boredom! And the stark truth that all of it was a COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME!! That's right, a waste of time. I have lost everything I learned and my Chinese is barely conversational at this point.

But I regret it. I do regret that my Chinese stinks and that I won't be able to pass much of our heritage to Arthur. Yes, we are Americans, but the mix of our society is what makes America what it is. From a practical standpoint alone, it's just useful to be bilingual.



Take Arthur's little cousin Wylie. His parents (my cousins of the same age) Moira and See-fut are speaking mostly Chinese with him at home with the hopes that he will grow up bilingual. There's a valid reason for my inability to speak Chinese aside from my laziness in Chinese school. Unlike Moira and See-fut's parents, my parents are both bilingual and completely fluent and comfortable speaking in English. They spoke mostly English with me as a young child and by the time they tried switching me back to Chinese, it was too late. The reason they made this decision was because of my oldest brother, whose kindergarten teacher suggested that my parents speak English to the rest of us because of my older brother's linguistic difficulties. They listened.

There's no doubt that children have an unbelievable ability to pick up languages. Dr. Frenchy strongly recommends a bilingual household if it's possible. My cousins Moira and See-fut, as well as many other friends and family speak both English and another language just as fine despite not speaking English at home. I do regret that I am essentially a one-language person and it is very ironic that I am considering a bilingual Chinese school for Arthur.

I say "I am" considering, because Liz is not sold on this idea and she has her doubts! I have my own doubts as well and no decision has been made.



Rest assured, no matter what languages they speak, I'm sure Wylie and Arthur will have no problems communicating. Or it might be time for me to get started on Rosetta Stone!

Labels: parenting, speech

by Lincoln

Labels: books, parenting

by Lincoln

I've been stricken with a 101-degree fever for the last 3-days. But that isn't even the worst part. The worst part has been having to avoid Arthur as much as possible. For the last three days, Arthur has been clamoring for my attention, trying to get into my room, reaching out for me when I am around and wanting to play with me. It definitely feels good. Because, there's no greater gift than a child's laughter! (*snicker*)

It feels good because it wasn't always this way! When Arthur was born, I had grand plans about being an involved father in every way. That plan basically went out the window once Arthur figured out how to distinguish between Mom and Dad. It went further out the window once Arthur figured out who his Grandmas are! By six-months it was damned near embarrassing:

1: Arthur crying
2: Dad picks up Arthur to calm him
3: Arthur cries even harder
4: Mom / Grandma takes Arthur away from Dad
5. Arthur is happy

At our routine pediatrician's visit that month, after all of our questions had been answered, Liz looked at me and said, "Do you want to ask? About Ineffective Dad?". I shrugged my shoulders and just as I was saying "Ah don't worry about it," Dr. Frenchy put his hand on my shoulder and with his best French accent said: "Oh don't worry. Your time in the sun will come. I used to be pissed when I came home and my kids would run away from me!".

Actually, that did make me feel better. I had been talking with other parents, reading books and all the regular parental research so my mind knew this phase would probably end. It just didn't make it much easier! Ok, sometimes it did: "LIZ! ARTHUR NEEDS YOU!! NA-NA-NA-NA-NA, I'LL JUST KEEP WATCHING TV."

As Arthur closed in on 12-months and beyond, I gradually and noticeably started moving up the hierarchy. He began taking notice whenever I came and went. He started following me around the apartment. A few days ago, he reached for me while he was being held by Grandma! (MIRACLE!). And even more recently, he reached for me while he was being held by Liz (ACT OF GOD!).

I've come to enjoy my ascent in the pecking order of Arthur's affection and I hope this fever doesn't lead to my demotion!

Labels: arthur, fatherhood

by Lincoln



A couple weekends ago, we went to a Sunday brunch with two of our close friends, Lance and Henry, who are partners from Chelsea. The place was Calle Ocho, located in the Upper West Side. It was a bit of a trek for us with baby and all but we agreed to the go, since Lance had been wanting to try it for some time.


When we first walked in, the place looked small and I got a little worried. However, once we walked to the back of the restaurant, the space opened up into a cavernous dining room:




The service was swift, courteous and extremely welcoming to children. Even though the place was filled with hip, sophisticated, decked-out Manhattan singles, they were still very family friendly! We sat down with high chair provided along with a goody bag of toys just for Baby Arthur.




The best part was that it turned out to be Sangria Sunday. All you can drink Sangrias, what could be better? The menu itself was creative as Calle Ocho boldly departs from the typically safe brunch fare like pancakes, french toast and eggs benedict. We ordered a platter of breakfast tacos for the table and I had the braised skirt steak for myself, all of which were wonderfuly made. Ok, honestly, I remember it being really good but Sangria Sunday ended up being the main draw!


And after 3 hours of drinking we all went home HAPPY.


Good work Lance! Click here for a professional review and ignore the negative comments! Calle Ocho gets our two thumbs up!

Labels: nyc