The Adventures of Baby Arthur

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Spring Status Report and the Blog

2010-03-25T17:51:00.005-04:00

by Lincoln

Arthur officially passed the 21-month old mark. While he's not quite two yet, I felt like it was time to give a status report on how our "parenting agenda" has gone, as has been described on many of my posts. In other words, did any of this crap work?!

Eating Picky-ness: We have stayed true to Dr. Frenchy's food training methodology on picky-ness. He's never eaten baby food and we always "let him eat what we eat". I don't really have any criteria to base the success of the tactic on, but while Arthur is not aggravatingly picky, he's definitely picky! It wasn't until last week did he begin to consider eating meat. I guess he figured out how to use his molars! Before then, it was almost exclusively rice, macaroni and vegetables. Getting him to deviate much was a task! Grade: C+

Food Training: In terms of eating by himself, Dr. Frenchy's tactic has been a resounding success. Arthur eats all by himself with limited assistance and everyone is impressed. Grade: A

Sleep Training: It's been up and down, but as of today, Arthur still cries for at least a few minutes every night before he settles down. This is a source of worry for me, as I think he will outgrow his crib soon. I'm worried that he'll just crawl out of his toddler bed, bang on the door, and pass out on the floor! We'll see what happens.. Grade: B

Tantrum Aversion: We've been doing as Dr. Karp says! While Arthur is not yet 2 years old, it's too soon to tell if we've averted the terrible twos! But there haven't been very many intolerable tantrums. Arthur is definitely a good kid. Grade: A

Reading: I haven't specifically blogged about this, but Liz has been religiously reading to Arthur and trying to teach him the ABCs. While Arthur is not reciting the alphabet yet, he's repeating after us now and he can identify a handful of letters! I think this one's working out pretty well. Good work Liz!! Grade: A

In other news, Blogger.com has decided to change the way they work, which is going to negatively affect this blog! I need to figure out to adapt to their changes.. so this blog will be going into official hiatus. I'm not sure for how long, 2 weeks, maybe a month? But it'll get done!

Stay tuned and thank you for reading! I'll be back.

The Second Child Dilemma

2010-03-17T21:47:00.003-04:00

by Lincoln

Yep. The questions and comments have been going on for months. These arguments have gotten louder, especially now that cousin Wylie is expecting a brother or sister!

"When are you trying for #2?"
"Is another one on the way?"
"You know, Arthur needs a sibling."

He NEEDS a sibling? Does he really? Now I've heard all kinds of arguments about why someone might NEED a sibling, but quite honestly, I don't buy them. Not most of them anyway. You've probably figured out by now that I'm not up for having child #2 at this moment.

Others have said that an only child will become a self-centered individual. That may be true in some cases, as I can think of some individuals who were only children that fit the bill. But I also know my friend Dina, who is an awesome mother of two, great person and the furthest thing from self-centered. I think the parents have more to do with that than anything. Then there's the rationale (A very Chinese one) that Arthur could use some help dealing with US (Liz & I) when we get old. Liz doesn't want him to take care of us all by himself. I seriously don't even want to consider that someone might have to take care of me when I'm old. I'd rather be in the ground, or perhaps a nursing home! (I can't speak for Liz on this one!)

Finally, there's the argument that it's lonely to be an only child. That it's nice to have some kin to grow up with. I wasn't an only child so I can't say, but does that have to be true? Arthur already has a family, Wylie (a cousin his age) and more cousins on the way. I might buy this argument though, but mostly because I do think that siblings can help each other as children. Older siblings can teach the younger one and the younger one can learn by watching the older one. Wait a second, what does the older sibling get? Hell if I know, I'm the youngest!! Maybe they can learn from each other.

The other week, Liz organized a play date with her best friend and 3 year old son Albert. As I watched how Arthur followed Albert around, I felt a few chinks developing in my armor. It was kind of amazing to see how Arthur took to Albert so quickly and wanted to do what he did! Just like a little brother following his older brother.

The truth is, there is no guarantee that Arthur would even get along with his sibling. I've seen it happen and I know how it feels. Like I've said before, the biggest bully I ever faced growing up was my own brother. While the stories about how he once made me do my homework in the closet sound funny now (I just wanted him to shut-up and leave me alone.), bullying leaves a mark. But what counts is what happens when we're adults, and that is not guaranteed to be pretty. This bothers me a great deal.

In the end, the single biggest factor is whether or not BOTH parents are ready. While Liz may be more ready than I am, I am not ready at all. Aside from the financial questions of how we'd pay for both of their $300,000 M.I.T. educations (NO PRESSURE! ;-) I have my own personal reasons for not being ready. So until Liz and I are both ready to turn our keys for launch, there won't be any firing of any kind!

The Pre-School Search Goes On - Part 3

2010-03-10T21:31:00.006-05:00

by Lincoln and Liz

Our search for a pre-school, which has included stops at Love-a-Lot, Stinkin Chinatown Day Care and Your Kids Our Kids Day Care / Pre-School, moved on to our last stop: Educational Alliance. Educational Alliance is actually more than just a pre-school as they offer many different types of programs for children and adults alike. Check out their website for details.

As things usually go, Liz learned about this pre-school from a personal contact. Her best friend's sister Bertha, whose 3-year old son, Berthos, attends the school. Bertha had positive comments about the school as Berthos has been thriving and his speech has drastically improved since he began attending. Like us, Bertha was looking to place Berthos in an environment where he could interact socially with others. Liz made an appointment for a tour.

Liz walked into Educational Alliance, which had a lobby and a receptionist. All guests are required to announce themselves and sign in. The children area is upstairs and accessible by elevator (plus emergency stairs of course). The tour proceeded as scheduled, which is more than we could say about Stinkin Chinatown Day Care.

The Program Director herself conducted the tour. She seemed like a person of authority, yet professional and welcoming. In addition, she has Montessori experience, which we found to be a plus. Educational Alliance is setup like a public school. Each child is assigned a cubby in the hallway, where they can place their coats, lunch boxes, and other items. There was art work made by the children on the wall and the children were separated into classrooms by level. The entire environment was organized and clean. Educational Alliance also has a rooftop gym, which had the regular playground items like swings and slides. Staff to child ratio is approximately 3:1.

The Program Director explained how every toy served a purpose, whether it was for developing motor skills, speech, or cognitive thinking. Learning through play and experimentation in a nurturing environment is emphasized. The day time is split into periods of instruction in reading, arts & crafts etc. Field trips are also conducted. For example, they will take the children to the market and teach them about the different vegetables. Special weekly classes, such as yoga, dance and music, are also held.

Educational Alliance is a Jewish organization and they observe all of the Jewish holidays. In addition, parents are required to supply meatless lunches to their children. No meat, poultry or shellfish is allowed. Even though I'm a meat activist, I think I can live with that!

One look at their website is telling. It is very informative and professional looking, unlike Stinkin Chinatown Day Care, which doesn't even have a website! A quick Google search did not reveal many parental reviews, but a few articles did come up about the school, including one that called it "under the radar".

Educational Alliance is our selection. Ta-da! At $641 per month for their 3-day part-time program, this was the kind of price point we were looking for. Of course, there was a waiting list. After completing the arduously long and detailed application (Again, UNLIKE Stinkin Chinatown Day Care's one-page abomination!), Arthur has been accepted to their 2-day part-time program, which runs for $480 per month. We are on the waiting list for the 3-day program and hope that it will work out soon. The combination between the convenient location, price and quality made Educational Alliance an easy pick.

The Pre-School Search Goes On - Part 2

2010-03-03T22:11:00.004-05:00

by Lincoln & Liz

Our search for a pre-school continued after visits to Love-a-Lot and Chinatown Day Care. The next stop was Your Kids Our Kids Day Care / Pre-school . This experience was quite a departure from the Stinkin Chinatown Day Care. Showing up to the facility for a scheduled tour date, Liz walked into a waiting area that was separated from the child care area by a secure door. Unlike Stinkin Chinatown Day Care, there was a receptionist to greet her! They even had juice and cookies available for the visitors.. How nice of them to pump Arthur up with sugar before the tour!

Walking into the facility from the waiting area, the room opened up into a larger area that was sectioned off by partial height walls, so anyone could see what was going on in any section. Liz called them "a maze of bullpens." While it was good to see that staff members could keep an eye on all of the children from anywhere, the environment felt a bit loud and chaotic. There did not seem to be an effective classroom environment that would be conducive for learning with all the noise. Any screaming child in any section would be heard by all. In addition, the facility was a bit dirty, messy and disorganized.

The positives were that they have musical specialists work with the children once per week at each level. The directors and the staff seemed genuine as caregivers and looked like they knew what they were doing. The lead director herself gave the tour and was very warm, friendly and good with kids. The staff ratio was about 4:1 children to teachers (Stinking Chinatown Day Care was more like 6:1, Love-a-Lot was 3:1).

After the tour was over, there was a brief Q&A session with the tour group. Unfortunately, there was not any personal attention and Liz couldn't get all of her questions answered. At a cost of $1500/month for their full-time schedule, Your Kids Our Kids is far more expensive than Stinkin Chinatown Day Care but not quite as expensive as Love-A-Lot. They do not offer a part-time program, which is definitely a downer for us.

A Google search on Your Kids Our Kids did provide a lot of information. Unlike Stinkin Chinatown Day Care, they actually have a website! In addition, there are many reviews available and most of them are positive.

Your Kids Our Kids did not make our cut. Your Kids Our Kids is probably a good day care that works for many parents, but it is definitely more day care than pre-school. Aside from the lack of a part-time program, an actual classroom style environment is important to us. The search continues...

The Pre-School Search Goes On - Part 1

2010-02-24T21:45:00.008-05:00

by Lincoln and Liz

Our search for a pre-school, which technically began a few months ago, has recently run hot again for the last several weeks. After our last foray into pre-school research, Liz and I tacitly agreed that by age 2, we would send Arthur off. It seemed so far away back then! But as NYC pre-schooling goes, wait lists only get longer and with only 4 months left before Arthur's 2nd birthday, it is time to get cracking on this mission! Our plan is to ease him into the mix, 3 days a week for a half day session. After seeing how that goes, perhaps we will ease him full-time. Since Arthur will be expecting TWO new cousins within the next several months (one on each side!), this plan will work well for the Grandmas.

Disclaimer: Liz grabbed the bull by the horns this time! I did not personally visit any of these places, but Liz is sitting right next to me now and I can feel her WRATH! As of today, we have applied to one pre-school and have our fingers crossed that he will be selected. There is a wait list though, and we are hoping for the best. All total, Liz visited 4 schools in the last 3 weeks and I will be reporting her findings in a multi-part series.

Chinatown Day Care - 35 Division St.

After the sticker shock from Love A Lot, we went in search of more economical options. That brought us to Chinatown! In the spirit of the Stinking Chinatown Doctor, Chinatown Day Care did not disappoint. Liz walked straight in and was greeted by.. no one. No security! No reception! After flagging down a lady, who appeared to be in some position of authority:

Liz: Hello, I'm here for the tour.
Stern Lady: What tour?
Liz: I called a few weeks ago and scheduled an appointment for a tour today and to get more information.
Stern Lady (sternly): There's no tour.
Liz: Do you mind if I take a look around and get more information about the school?

Stern lady then proceeded to show Liz a classroom... from the doorway. But they couldn't go in! No ma'am, that is not allowed!

Liz: What kinds of activities do you have for the 2 year olds? Do you take them outdoors?
Stern Lady: We do not take them outdoors. Sometimes we take them down to the basement and let them watch some TV.

TV?! They let them watch TV?? In the basement?? Is there some kind of dungeon down there? Though Stern Lady explained that they show them educational programs, I would have expected more from allegedly trained professionals!

By now, Arthur was squirming around and tried to bully his way into a classroom. NO! That is strictly forbidden! And in her best sarcastic, condescending Chinese voice, Stern Lady said to Liz, "Your boy isn't shy is he?".

Liz returned home fuming about Stern Lady's comment! Arthur is curious! What's wrong with that?! While she ranted about Stern Lady, I peered over their application. It was a one page, poorly worded questionnaire that asked things like, "Can we take child to Hospital? If no, what should we do?"

Chinatown Day Care does not have a website. None of the review sites from a quick Google search revealed anything of use. There seemed to be the perfunctory single good review on a couple of sites. The lack of posted reviews isn't all that surprising, as the school appeared to be nearly 100% Chinese and likely the children of immigrants. However, not having a website is definitely questionable.

Objectively speaking, Chinatown Day Care appeared to be a sterile, clean and organized environment. Lack of security and open access from the outside is an issue for me though. At $683 per month for their full-time program, it's much cheaper than Love A Lot, but still nowhere nearly as cheap as outside the city. There is also a wait list, which could explain Stern Lady's general disinterest. Her recommendation was: "Well you can try to apply when he turns 3 or 4."

Overall, Liz was left with a poor impression. While Love A Lot clearly strived for an open and nurturing environment, Chinatown Day Care was closed and militant. We will not be sending Arthur to Chinatown Day Care.

Arthur Goes Gangsta

2010-02-17T20:59:00.005-05:00

by Lincoln

I've been playing music for Arthur since a very young age. Not only do I enjoy good music, I've always felt it was a good way to stimulate him. Let him use his imagination a bit, hear the beat and let the music envelope him! Plus, it beats TV. When he was an infant, I found that the And Christmas For All! The Holiday Tribute to Metallica (Metallica in christmas bells!) was quite effective in putting him to sleep. Even today, sometimes I'll sit him on my lap and play some music to help him nap. Before long, Arthur was translating the stimulation into motion by bopping his head and shaking his body. Of course, the first thing I did was play him "Bang Your Head" by Quiet Riot! You guessed it, I am a classic-rock metal-head.

Eventually he was shaking to all kinds of classic rock hits and the Ramones.. "I Wanna be Sedated!" Trying not to be too prejudiced (though I still refuse to play him pop music, sorry Britney), I played him plenty of other genres as well, such as jazz and classical. There was always a mood for something. Our DirectTV subscription comes in very handy for this as it has all kinds of satellite radio channels with all kinds of music available.

Unfortunately, the day came when I decided to give hip-hop a try on DirectTV's Hip Hop Hits channel. Needless to say, I am not much of a hip-hop, gangsta rap kind of guy. To my chagrin, Arthur's reaction to the heavy beats was unlike any of his other reactions to music. His head was bopping, his body was hopping, his feet were stomping, his mouth was hollering and his fist was pumping! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Arthur would not be denied. My attempts to switch him back to classic rock were unheeded as he would nod his head in disapproval while saying, "Not this! Not this!"

You can't touch this!

We have since compromised with Bob Marley and an obscure Hawaiian group called Keahiwai.

The Most Interesting Gifts

2010-02-10T23:18:00.004-05:00

by Lincoln

Last night, Arthur sat down and without warning, swiftly and suddenly hammered out this entire animal puzzle. At first, I was blankly watching him put all the pieces in.. not thinking much of it. But suddenly, like a rushing wave, it hit me! This was the first time he actually DID the puzzle (that we know of), as opposed to just gawking at the animals and tossing them aside! I excitedly yelled out to Liz for her to come into the room to witness the spectacle.

Of course, Arthur refused to do the puzzle again (He likes to hold out on us).

We've had this puzzle for quite some time. Like many of his toys, it was a gift. I'd say the majority of his toys are gifts actually.. and our apartment is overrun with them! It sure is nice to receive gifts and we appreciate all them. We are lucky to have such great friends and family.

But of course, there's always the gift or two that just sticks out.

Now what little boy doesn't love his play car? Especially one that honks and makes all kinds of noises. But man, look at that color! And not that there's anything wrong with Winnie the Pooh.. but I'm going to have to look into trading up for Optimus Prime when the time is right, lest we allow Arthur to be stricken with an identity crisis!

Get the kid a piggy bank. Teach him the value of money. I'm on board with that! But this special piggy bank is made of glass and it came with a set of permanent markers so the child could make his own design. Well this didn't work out so well for Arthur. OK fine, we could have stashed this one away until he was older, but what fun would that be??

Ah.. and the gifts of clothes. Nothing makes a lady gush more than a cute little baby outfit. By now, Arthur has more clothes than me and that is not an exaggeration. Really, we both appreciate all the clothes very much. But check out those bright fluorescent colored astronaut pants! They are so bulky, I think Arthur could cross the Arctic with those on! We also have another one that's bright orange, in case Arthur ever wants to direct traffic. And while those genuine lederhosen are of top quality (real leather and knitting!), I'm just not sure when we'd ever dress him in that, except for Halloween! And last but not least.. yet another bright, effeminate orange colored overall with the cute little animals.. this outfit may have to accidentally disappear!

Some of the gifts are big hits for both me and Arthur! Like the measuring board that I finally got around to mounting on the wall. Now we can mark on Arthur's growth and take the board to with us when we move instead of ripping out the piece of drywall! OK, maybe Arthur doesn't care all that much about this one.

However, the remote controlled dog is plenty of fun. It barks, it walks, it's just like the real thing! He's like Arthur's best friend.. And Arthur even tries to feed him.

Aren't gifts great!

Just Me and the Baby

2010-02-03T21:32:00.005-05:00

by Lincoln

The stars aligned today. No Grandmas were available and Liz couldn't take off. As for me, I luckily have an understanding client so I was able to call out. So it was just Me and Arthur today! Though I'm not sure how, this was actually first time I've had the baby all to myself for such a long period of time. You would think it should have happened many times by now, but somehow it hasn't! I guess I'm one lucky guy!

7 a.m.: Liz says to me, "You took off today right?" Oops.

At this point I'm thinking to myself, "Who says I can't take care of my boy! To hell with them!" This is not a joke. You could say Liz has gone to some lengths to shield me away from solo child-care duties. I know she's just trying to be nice, but at some level, I'm sure she doesn't trust me! She then offered to call her Mom up to come over, but I wouldn't have it. (What was that? Babysitting a 19-month old is exhausting? Whatever! Bring it on!)

8:00 am: I take this opportunity to take a quick shower and start on Arthur's breakfast while Liz is still around. Scrambled eggs and mushrooms, toast, apple slices and milk.

8:30 am: Liz departs. Du du du dummm.... Arthur doesn't care too much for the eggs but eats the toast and apples. Too bad little man, no more food 'til lunch!

9:30 am: After cleaning up and spending a little time reading with Arthur, my phone starts to ring. It's the office (and other clients!). Within minutes, I have two laptops running, a slow cumbersome vpn connection open and emails to reply to. All of this is happening while Arthur is sitting on the couch, happily causing mayhem by throwing whatever he can find on the ground. Somehow, I get my emails out, documents sent and whatever was needed done! Well, I think so anyway.. I guess I'll find out tomorrow!

10:30 am: Arthur falls asleep. I figure this is a good time to start on his lunch: Mac & Cheese. Now I'm thinking about how Liz scarcely bothers to cook whenever she's taking care of the kid! (She relies on takeout and whatever food was pre-made for her in the fridge!) Granted, she doesn't cook anyway, but I'm gonna one-up her by making Mac & Cheese... from scratch!

11:00 am: Arthur awakens, but he's not rested enough, and is very cranky. To make matters worse, I'm not done with the lunch prep. Now I have a clingy toddler in one arm while the other is finishing off the Mac & Cheese. Pride carries me through and the Mac & Cheese goes into the oven.

11:30am: Arthur will not allow me to put him down! Now I'm thinking about how my Mom never puts him down to sleep. I'd always tell her to just put him down. She'd always say, "He needs to be held! I can't put him down, no time to do anything else!" Well I'll be damned if I end up giving in! Somehow, I manage to trick Arthur by holding him until he falls asleep, setting him down with my arm behind his neck until this body warms up the bed a bit, and slipping out. I should patent this technique!

1:00 pm: Arthur awakens, but is still groggy. However, I decide he's had enough sleep and I show him his lunch, which piques is interest because he's ready to eat! Unfortunately, the Mac & Cheese overcooked while I was discovering my patented sleep move. Oh well, we eat it anyway.

2:00-4:00pm: My strategy now is to wear Arthur out. I take him to the park and I make him walk! I boldly leave the stroller at home. We go to Whole Foods. Now I'm thinking about how Liz always complains that it's awfully hard to grocery shop or otherwise run errands with Arthur. PFFT!!! Not only am I going to buy groceries, I'm going to stop by the YMCA to check out their toddler programs!

Perhaps, I bit off more than I could chew. I ended up with a 25 lb toddler in one arm and what felt like a 40 lb bag full of groceries in the other, as a result of a clearly overzealous shopping operation. I briefly consider taking a cab home, but I don't give in! We go to the YMCA, where Arthur does some stairs. We struggle back home on foot.. and Arthur, like a good little trooper, does his fair share of walking. Sure it was only a block or two, but good enough for a toddler! I give Arthur a treat for being trooper.. a cookie and juice. (Sorry Liz!)

5:30pm-6:30pm: Time to cook dinner for Arthur. Now I'm thinking about how my Mom always makes my Dad come over while she cooks dinner because she can't manage to do it while Arthur is around. She's worried he'll somehow hurt himself, or get burned if he hangs out in the kitchen, or something other. I'll be damned! Not only do I let Arthur into the kitchen while the stove is running, I let him play with the pots and pans on the floor. Amazingly, he puts them back when he's done. I have no idea where he got that from! Dinner is served (Beef, corn and macaroni, yes from the same box used at lunch!), and he's hungry!

7:00pm: Liz's brother shows up out of the blue. Which is helpful, as I can quickly finish the chores while he watches the baby. Then I give Arthur his bath.

8:00pm: By now I'm feeling pretty.. exhausted. Man, where's Liz?!? (Liz had a business dinner to go to)

8:30pm: Liz arrives home. Hallelujah! She puts him to bed at 9pm. (Actually, she's still trying to put him to bed.. I think Arthur had too much activity today and he's having trouble sleeping. Oops.)

Anyway, Take That Liz! Daddy and Arthur did just fine by themselves! Yeah fine, I'll admit it, it's pretty darn tiring and I'm glad you do it more than I do!! Now call your mom back!! *smirk*

PS: Liz's mom is a machine. She has Arthur marching to a strict regimented schedule and she can probably lift more than I can! She fearlessly hauls baby, stroller and all associated bags or groceries etc. up the stairs in one fell swoop. While Arthur sleeps, she swiftly cleans the entire apartment, floors, sinks, bathrooms, kitchen, everything! I think she does too much, but man... what can I say??

PS2: No Mom, this is not a criticism. I think you are wonderful with Arthur and we couldn't do without you.

PS3: Take THAT Liz!!!! See previous posts for your compliments!

PS4: Just kidding Liz, You're a wonderful mother and you do an amazing job! *snicker*

Book Review: The Happiest Toddler on the Block

2010-01-27T20:48:00.006-05:00

by Lincoln

The truth is, I read this book too early. I started reading it when Arthur was around 10 months old and I think he just wasn't ready for most of the techniques in this book. They would work here and there, but I think it was mostly because Arthur was amused at the way I was acting!

Anyway, things have taken a turn in the last few days (He is now 19 months old). At dinner time, Arthur is often struggling to grab and eat out of the family plate. While Grandpa may find this amusing as he pushes the family plate closer, this is not the kind of dining etiquette Liz and I find acceptable. Nevertheless, dinner would sometimes become a struggle as Arthur would ignore his own plate, grab at anything else on the table, and on occasion, end up in a time-out amidst a full-blown tantrum.

So about 3 days ago, I gave the "Fast Food Rule" a try:

As Arthur was struggling to get at the family plate..

Lincoln: Arthur wants more? Arthur wants more?
Arthur: MMMMM.. (nodding yes)
Lincoln: But Arthur has some right there! (pointing to Arthur's bowl)
Arthur: Looks down, sees he DOES have some of what he wants and starts eating it!

This was no fluke! It has worked every time since the first! Therefore, I am commemorating Dr. Karp's genius by writing about it on my 50th blog post (Gongs Crashing!).

The dominant message of the book is communication. Toddlers are like "cavemen" and they need to be "civilized" by us, parents! But to do that, we need to be ambassadors and communicate in a way our toddlers can understand. The Fast Food Rule is about verbalizing what your toddler wants first, so he can see that you understand what he wants. Afterwards, it's your turn to tell him what you want! This also applies to adults doesn't it? When you need to vent, sometimes all you need is someone to listen, empathize and understand how you feel.

The book goes through numerous other techniques for amusing, understanding and communicating with your toddler. It talks about positive reinforcement, "time-ins", acting like a "boob" and much more. Many of these things do not come naturally to me, so having a book like this to point them out is very helpful.

OK, so I only made it through 75% of this book. This read is a bit tougher than Happiest Baby, in that the techniques are not quite as straight forward. Toddlers are tough! It took a bit of time to absorb the material, but the book is well written with good anecdotes. And like I said above, I think I read it too early!

Nevertheless, the message was delivered and I can personally vouch that it works. I'll probably pick the book up and finish it off.. or I'll just get the DVD!

Click here to find out more about the book.

PS: One of my friends, who borrowed my copy of The Happiest Baby, purchased the DVD for his wife so she wouldn't have to read the book. While he vouched for the techniques, he mentioned that Dr. Karp was quite an interesting character in person!

Checking for Autism

2010-01-20T22:28:00.003-05:00

by Lincoln

During our last visit to Dr. Frenchy, he saw it fit to screen Arthur, now 19 months, for some early signs of autism. Liz was handed a fancy touch tablet that asked her a series of questions. While Arthur was happily fiddling with some toys on the floor, Liz was asked questions like:

Does he respond when you call his name? (Usually, Though it sometimes requires high pitched squealing.)
Does he make eye contact? (In addition to the head butting)
Does he look in the direction of what you point to? (Only when he wants to!)
Does he try involve you with his activities? (This kid will not do without a playmate, like ever... Liz is at his beck and call.)
Does he point to things and try to get your attention? (Happily with a "ooh!")
Does he wander aimlessly without purpose? (I don't think so, as evidenced by the sudden rash of dissapearing remote controls!)
Can he point to his own body parts? (Proudly! Size doesn't matter!)
Does he babble? (If we only knew what is running through his mind...)
Does he follow objects? (Hide his blankie at your own peril!)

Happily, the results of the quiz were positive. Thankfully, Liz and I have never had any reason to fret about autism either. Dr. Frenchy normally asks us general questions about Arthur's progress during every appointment and i'm sure he's been looking for signs of it for quite some time.

Here are additional resources on signs of autism and some more information on tests for autism.

Rockstar Dad

2010-01-13T22:01:00.004-05:00

by Lincoln

My cousin Noliz asked me the other day if he could borrow Arthur... to pick up chicks. Heck, I was offering my friend Pedro that chance a day after Arthur was born! What better way to get attention from the opposite sex than a cute cuddly baby? Any single guy knows that right?!

While the last thing on my mind has been to attract attention to myself, for the last 18 months, the attention has nonetheless been nearly non-stop while transiting Arthur from place to place. These days it's not as much, but it was surreal when Arthur was less than 6 months old. The stares, the awws and the cooing was incessant on the street, on the subway, on the bus, in the restaurant and every other public place we went to. Women of all ages, shapes and sizes were striking up conversations with me. That sexy 21-year old coed that wouldn't normally pay me any mind would first smile at Arthur and then make eye contact with yours truly! Oh wait, is that Liz standing next to me?

It wasn't just the single women. Nice old couples who's children were probably all grown up would strike up conversation. Other parents with children of their own would ask how old Arthur is. The worst time was when I couldn't tell what gender another parent's baby was.. "How old is... yours?" And somehow, they always seem to know Arthur's name without an introduction. Are they eavesdropping on my one-way conversation?!

Honestly, I've never gotten used to the attention. Normally, I'm a stare at the ground, listen to the i-Pod and walk from point A to point B as quickly as possible kind of guy. I don't normally talk to people on the street. Does that make me a typical New Yorker?!

Anyway, carrying a baby around definitely brings the wrong kind of attention. It is absolutely not going to help anyone pick up anything. Noliz, Pedro, if you need a wingman, get a puppy! As for all you gushing singles ladies, MAKE YOUR OWN!!

Holiday Status Report

2010-01-06T21:21:00.004-05:00

by Lincoln

Happy New Year Everyone!

I'd like to report that Arthur has crossed another level of cuteness. For the past week he's been charming everyone in sight, saying more words, interacting with anyone around him, laughing at everything and eating like a bottom-less pit. He even charmed the unflappable Dr. Frenchy today. While Dr. Frenchy was applying the stethoscope, Arthur was fascinated with instrument, grabbing at it the entire time. When the exam was done and the stethoscope was hanging from Dr. Frenchy's neck, he continued to grab for it, placing it back on his chest. Lollipop? No thanks.. Stethoscope please! Dr. Frenchy was so enchanted he said, "Wow! Isn't that amazing?", followed by a kiss on the head. Then he quickly applied his shots and looked at the ceiling as if nothing was going on. Not a single sob was wailed from Arthur's mouth. Two amazing events in the span of 2 minutes! I'm just glad Arthur is braver than me when it comes to needles!

Arthur has been in quite an unusually good mood lately. It's almost as if he's extra happy.. like the kind of happiness you feel when you've been given perspective. Maybe it is, because the last three weeks has not been rosy.

The week before Christmas Day, Arthur came down with something.. and it was no normal cold. The first night, he vomited unexpectedly several times. We checked his temperature and sure enough, there was a slight fever. For the next two days, Arthur seemed a bit uncomfortable, but he was still acting normally for the most part. The fever on the other hand, seemed to go up and down with nap-time. We kept up with Motrin and he seemed to get passed whatever had.

But the vomiting returned and Arthur's mood worsened. He had trouble keeping his food down and whatever he did manage to eat seemed to irritate his tongue and throat. To make matters worse, a strange milky-like patch appeared on his gums. We never did figure out what it was, but I suspect it may have been thrush. (Though this could not be confirmed at Dr. Frenchy's office) Our visit to Dr. Frenchy's office (We didn't get to see him personally) was not too comforting either. Their advice was to keep a look out in case the fever returned. Otherwise, Arthur would have to just ride it out. The onset of a second fever they said, may indicate an escalation of the sickness. (Like pneumonia)

We all tried to do whatever we could to help Arthur eat. I tried making him some Banana Yogurt shakes (recommended treatment if he did have thrush), but he only ate it once. A steady diet of Congee was not too appetizing to him either. None of his favorite foods would do the trick. He barely drank any water, though he did accept milk. We thought he may have been dehydrated and he developed diarrhea as well. We tried giving him a mixture of ginger ale and water or Gatorade as recommended to restore his minerals, but he didn't seem to enjoy that much either.

The sniffles, cough and phlegm inevitably followed and our poor boy was just miserable. He just couldn't be put down and essentially had to be carried at all times. We limited his bath time to every other day to try to keep him comfortable (he did NOT want to be in the bath at all), but when we did bathe him, he had visibly lost weight. He was always pale and he wasn't sleeping well through the night either (and neither were we). This all went on for a week, it was just a terrible.

Christmas Day came along and Arthur still was not feeling very well, but we decided to attend my family function anyway. Arthur never left Liz's side and he wasn't sociable like he normally is. Clearly, he was not 100%. But the worst part was the endless stream of judgemental, huffy advice that poor Liz had to endure from my family. Like a pack of wolves, they pounced. How could we not be giving Arthur medicine? We MUST change doctors! Dr. Frenchy is no good! Blah blah blah.

I was spared the wrath of the wolf pack but Liz's confidence was shaken. Nevertheless, we agreed that we would stay the course and that we both believe in Dr. Frenchy. I just told Liz to ignore those animals! I'm no doctor and I don't know if one has to do with another, but the children of one of those mothers (my cousins) suffer from terrible allergies. Did too much medicine at a young age make a difference? Maybe they were shielded from germs too much? I don't know.. but I am 100% in agreement with Dr. Frenchy's methods and as far as I'm concerned, Arthur's present health is his vindication!

The next day at Liz's family gathering was a bit better. Arthur was not recovered, but his spirits were slightly improved. From then on, he showed improvement everyday moving forward and by the time the New Year's Day came, Arthur was back!

Everyone was relieved and his recovery brought upon a voracious appetite the likes of which no one has ever seen! Arthur was grabbing his bowl, shovelling his macaroni down, and asking for seconds. He's been consuming whole buns of bread, raisins, cherrios, bowls of rice and coming back 5 minutes later to ask for more! He's making up for 2 weeks of not eating!

As for Liz, with relief came the crash.. on the Saturday morning following New Year's Day:

Liz (trying to take a nap with Arthur): shh-shh
Arthur: aaahhhhh
Liz: shhhhhhhhh
Arthur: aaaaahhhhhhh!!!!
Liz: Go to daddy.

(silence)

aahhhhh!!!

(silence)

aaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!

After the second aaaaahhh, I went to investigate. Liz had locked Arthur out of the bedroom! I guess she needed some well-deserved sleep!

By the time Great-Grandma's 90th came along, mischief was back in style!

Safe Eating

2009-12-31T12:17:00.004-05:00

by Lincoln

I was surfing through Netflix's Instant Playlist the other night when I decided to watch the documentary, Food Inc., for no particular reason. (And almost on cue, an article about faulty beef treatment with ammonia showed up on the NYTimes.com.) The 94 minute documentary covers a broad number of issues, but to make a long story short, we don't really think about where our food comes from do we? Food Inc. attempts to follow the trail from the supermarket to the source and it exposes an alarming number of issues that everyone should know about.

The story of Kevin Kowalcyk resonated deeply. Kevin was a perfectly healthy 2-year old child until he suddenly became ill and died in a span of 12 days. The diagnosis: E.coli O157:H7 poisoning, from several hamburgers he had eaten during a family vacation before he passed. Since then, Kevin's mother, Barbara Kowalcyk, has made it her mission to prevent such a tragedy from happening again. Her efforts have resulted in the sponsorship of new legislation, appropriately named Kevin's Law, that would empower the USDA power to shut down plants that repeatedly produce meat contaminated with E-coli or other deadly pathogens. But the story is the same as it is for many issues in this country. The bill is not currently on the Congress floor as a result of resistance from the powerful meat lobby.

How did this all happen? Over the last few decades, the food industry has undergone consolidation and production of our food has moved away from the small farmer towards several extremely large and powerful corporations, such as Tyson and Cargill. Almost everything we buy in the supermarket can be traced back to these mega-companies. The mechanization, automation and factory line style production was introduced in order to maximize profits. Animal feed is engineered so cows, pigs, chickens and other produce can be raised from birth to slaughter in the shortest time possible. The feed used is often unhealthy and unnatural, which has led to the introduction of bacteria like E-coli into the system. To make matters worse, the animals are often crammed together in tight spaces and they are basically standing in their own feces for their entire lives. Add these two factors together and what you end up are the mass contaminations that we've been reading about in the news for the last 10 years.

To combat this problem, some companies have been washing the meat with ammonia! (NYT Article) Food Inc. attributes many of the health problems we see in this country as a direct result of all the various chemicals that are introduced during the factory-style production of our food.

The documentary really enforced what Liz and I have been trying or best to do when it comes to groceries since Arthur was born. When given a choice, we always buy the organic option. However, it's pretty impossible to only eat local and organic foods in our society and I do enjoy a McDonald's meal every once in awhile. But we won't be feeding Arthur that anytime soon!

I also started thinking about our trip to Dutchess County (Day 2) and remembered the farms we visited, the fresh food and just how clean and simple everything was. You see the animals grazing and that's where the food is from... not from some dark, busy factory plant somewhere no one knows about. I'm glad that the small farmer lives on.

It might be worth the added cost of seeking out the local options and buy from places like Fleischer's Meats and stick to grass-fed beef. I'm glad we're lucky enough to have such options here in NYC at least. I think even doing this half of the time will probably be better than not at all.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

2009-12-23T17:43:00.003-05:00

by Lincoln

Merry Christmas Everyone! As I begin writing this blog, I am in the presence of my parents and my good friends Julio and Sanjay Brown:

Julio: You all look like a very happy family.
Grandma: Of course!
Grandpa: I'd say we're about average.
Grandpa: Hmm, let's go eat.

Today also happens to be the 41st anniversary of my parents. I'd say that in order to last 41 years, you probably have to be a little happy! Or as Julio puts it, it is my father's ability to "tax" my mom and my mom's ability to "put up" with it. Regardless of their secrets, I am grateful for the family we have and for all that my parents have given me. I'm also grateful for Liz, who is a wonderful Mother. Arthur is lucky as well!

Family has a funny way of bringing out the various sides of our humanity. It's not always a bed of roses and conflicts can bring out some serious heat and anger. We're "stuck" with family aren't we? But holidays bring out the goodness and in these times, we can appreciate that we have each other.

However, children are the initiative! This is will be Arthur's second Christmas. Not coincidently, this will be the second Christmas tree of my adult life. I never put up lights, wreathes or decorations before. But now that we have Arthur, it's a mandatory ceremony in our home! Liz's family never even celebrated Christmas OR Thanksgiving together. Not coincidently, that tradition started last year as well! And now that Liz's sister is expecting, the holidays will no doubt become a very important time of year for her family. I poke fun at Liz and point this out: "We have two places to visit?? You guys never celebrated the holidays before!!". I don't mind, her sister is an amazing cook!

Family can be both a unifying power and frustrating quagmire at the same time. However, now that we are expecting multiple additions to our extended family, perhaps the power of children can melt whatever conflicts we have away.

So let me raise a virtual glass, say cheers and wish everyone Happy Holidays!

He KNOWS!

2009-12-16T23:43:00.004-05:00

by Lincoln

I know I'm one of those annoying parents that's constantly marvelling about the tiny but new things their child does. While I try not to do it too much in "real life", I know I do it all the time on this blog. Sorry, I'm at it again.. but for the past week, Arthur has been running around the apartment exclaiming "dada! dada! dada! dada!". And Grandma has reported to me that he sometimes even looks around for his dear old dad when he's not around. C'mon, how could I not report this event to the Adventures of Baby Arthur?

Quite honestly, I'm not really sure why he does this. He's certainly still a Mamma's boy and whenever I come home, I'm usually greeted with a scowl and a fervent, disapproving shake of the head. It's as if he was expecting someone else more interesting to come through the door, like Mommy! It's ok, he warms up pretty quickly after about 30 seconds of attention. It's touching to see I've been making an impression!

It's also a bit terrifying. While it doesn't take a genius to know that parents have an overwhelming influence over their children, it is still quite difficult for me to comprehend the fact that someone will be hanging on my every word and action, no matter how innocuous, unintentional or absent minded it may be. I still feel like a big kid and I don't feel like I'm anyone special either. I mean, why should anyone listen to me??

I remember back in the third grade, my father, with all his wisdom, revealed to me and my next older brother (there were 4 of us) that we were "accidental". Not knowing what the hell that was supposed to mean, I automatically took that to mean "unwanted". This comment was used as ammunition against my father throughout my teen years and I probably didn't really understand what the hell it all meant until I was much older... until about, 18 months ago! For some reason or another, my father never bothered to sit us down and explain to us what he meant: That accidental doesn't mean unwanted, and that sometimes life is unpredictable, and that you just can't plan everything. Sometimes the best things in life are bourne out of accidents and parents love their children unconditionally! Thank god for champagne!

At least, that's what I hope my father meant and felt. That's the line would give to Arthur anyway.

Mommy Ruins Everything

2009-12-09T23:08:00.004-05:00

by Lincoln

My little boy made me proud all weekend long. Among other things, he helped me set the table by transporting a bowl, ate his lunch nearly entirely by himself while I ate mine, and even walked to our newly erected Christmas tree to pose for a photograph when I asked him to.

Simple things yes, but the list of "He Did What?!" grows every day! In fact, I even negotiated a tantrum with him! When I took away the broom despite his screaming protestations, I picked him up a couple inches off the ground and sternly asked: "Do you want a timeout?" He nodded no, I put him down, and he calmed himself.

So what was the common denominator for Arthur's angel-like behaviour? Liz wasn't around! Ok, I'm exaggerating slightly.. of course Liz was present for the tree decorating and the broom incident was from sweeping up the pine needles! However, I do have a point! Arthur acts much differently with me than he does with Liz. When it's just me and the boy, there is order in the universe. We hang out, we do our thing, nap time is enforced and there's minimal whining. When Liz is around, the fits of neediness are definitely more frequent!

Alright, I know it's because Arthur is much more attached to his Mommy and seeks greater attention from her. As I rarely cave in to the whining, I do think there is something to the fact that I let Arthur get away with less (except for the cookies I gave him before his bedtime today, oops). But many of fascinating things that Arthur can do now, like pointing to his body parts, stomping his feet and shouting "hooray!", are a direct result of Liz's tutelage.

Nevertheless, I get a kick out of telling Liz she ruins everything whenever Arthur and I have a nice civilized time together!

Baby Proofing

2009-12-03T00:33:00.006-05:00

by Lincoln

The terror has begun. The days when Arthur didn't move, barely rolled, barely crawled, crawled, shakily took a few steps and paced around only cautiously are completely over. He's officially running (albeit still a bit wobbly!), climbing, tripping, falling over and causing general mayhem. This added mobility has only nurtured his healthy sense of curiosity. He picks up, grabs at, touches, and struggles for anything he can get his hands on! Lately, he's particularly enjoyed pulling his favorite blanket over his head and trying to walk around without being able to see where he's going. We can't our eyes off him!

So what have we done to help save Arthur from himself?

Baby Fencing (Surround Play Yard): On the top left - that fence surrounding the TV is actually an unfolded "surround play yard" that's meant for outdoor use. Come to think of it, are we protecting Arthur or are we protecting my prized 50" plasma TV?? The fence has actually come in handy inside the house for many uses, including closing off whole parts of rooms, estimating Arthur's height (it's 30" tall) and enclosing Arthur in a fixed space when we just need some rest from chasing him around!! (We have to rest with him inside the play yard of course).

Baby Gate: Preventing toddler ingress to danger areas of the house, like the kitchen. Hot stoves, dirty floors and sharp objects are all bad. The one we have kinda sucks, as it falls of the hinges all the time. Pick one carefully!

Handle Free Cabinets!: If we can barely open these cabinets, how can Arthur? OK, so maybe I skimped on cabinet handles, but it's worked out quite well so far and I think it looks better too.

Rubber Floor Padding: Those hardwood floors look awfully painful. This has probably been the most important child-proofing measure. Arthur took a lot of falls when he was figuring out how to walk, and will probably take more falls as he figures out how to run. I have to admit, I'm looking forward to seeing my wood floors again someday.

Corner Guards: Lots of them and all over the place. Lest Arthur pitter-patter his little head into sharp table corners.

Window Guards: Duh, as required by law! No picture provided.

That's about all we did. It doesn't seem like much. In the end, we leaned towards the wisdom of my West Coast friend Dina. Unlike us, Dina has a large 4 bedroom house that's about 5x bigger than our apartment and has amazing things like.. stairs. With two young boys, there's just no way anyone could baby proof everything! So her method was to rely on teaching. Tell them enough times to stay away or stop touching, and they will.

This has actually worked out pretty well for us so far. For example, Arthur does not go near the toilets, garbage can and he'll stay away from the recycling bin most of the time. In fact, he's learned how to throw things away into the garbage can instead! I'm sure this is because the garbage can is the one thing that we've been dead consistent on for him to stay away from. Unlike the laptop, which he happily slaps at every chance he gets!

Arthur has had his share of falls, scratches, bumps and bruises but he's been relatively unscathed so far. Luckily for us, Arthur will normally come walking after us if we're not within eye sight (for now anyway). As my good friend and father of two Bigs says, "He can learn to be a boy without the head trauma."

Use Your iPhone to Translate Your Baby's Cries

2009-11-25T00:58:00.006-05:00

by Lincoln

Arthur has been keen on messing around with cell phones of all shapes and sizes. But it looks like someone has really gone off the deep end with an iPhone app, named the "Cry Translator", which claims to be able to translate a baby's cries. Hold your iPhone to your crying infant for 10 seconds or so, and a logo will promptly tell you if your baby is hungry, sleepy, annoyed, stressed or bored. For a mere $9.99 ($29.99 after promotion is over), you can bring your relationship with your baby to a whole new level. Supposedly it works for all ages too. Cry Translator claims to be developed based on clinical trials and boasts a 96% accuracy rate.

Since I do not own an iPhone, I won't be able to tell you if it works. I'd definitely be interested to know (feel free to drop me a line!). I'd run all kinds of experiments on this thing! "Beam up Scotty!!" I'm one of those suckers who'd pay the money just to see if it works!

I can see the desperate, sleep deprived parents lining up to give this thing a try. Liz and I have been there. But it just seems bizarre to rely on your iPhone to communicate with your child! In the beginning, we were lost. But after awhile, we were able to figure out what Arthur would be crying about without the help of a fancy gadget (Especially Liz, most be a mother thing!). The intonation of the cry went into it, but we tried to keep Arthur on a routine as much as we could so he would know what to expect everyday. When was the last time he ate? When was the last time his diaper was changed? When was the last time he napped? Chances were that he was ready for the next item on the list. And there aren't many items on the list for an infant!

The app itself probably serves as a distraction to the baby and that itself will make him stop crying. Any old cell phone or remote control would do! And babies are stressed all the time anyway! I can only guess that 96% accurate means success at making the baby stop crying. This doesn't necessarily mean the application was right. Add me to the line of skeptics on this one.

Am I An Annoying Online Parent?

2009-11-18T23:33:00.004-05:00

by Lincoln

I just saw this post titled: Facebook's Five Most Annoying Parents, by Elina Furman, on Babble.com. Well since I'm annoyed about getting back home from work about 10 minutes ago (11:51pm), just in time to miss my personal Wednesday night blog posting deadline (and NOT getting to spend any time with Arthur at all today!), I figure it's a good time to find out how annoying I am to all of you reading this post.

The Bragger Parent: GUILTY as hell. How many posts have I put up about how proud I am of Arthur by now?

The Whiner Parent: Mildly guilty. I've definitely posted about some tough times, but I don't think those posts were too whiny and I wrote them in case they might help anyone else out there going through the same thing. I can't speak for the other parents on my FB list though. ;-)

The Cool Parent: Hell no. According to Elina, the Cool Parent is the one who still hits the town and brags about it on FB. Since I was never cool to begin with, I am innocent of this one.

The Obsessed Parent: I may not have given up my FB identity to my offspring, but I have this blog. Guilty As Charged. Again, I can't speak for other parents on my FB list!!

The Zen Parent: The "life is great, parenting is a joy" parent? Since I normally get yelled at by Liz for writing anything remotely negative, I guess I may come across as a Zen parent. But I may be one of the least Zen people I know. I teem with frustration and rage!!! AARRGHH!!

Now that I've gotten through the five most annoying types of parents, I'm really not sure what kind of parent is left. I'm a combination of almost all five. That either makes me uber-annoying or this post is just like a fortune cookie with a message that applies to just about EVERYONE. But you know what, I don't really care if I'm annoying anyway. This blog is my microphone so you have to listen to me!!! :-)

P.S. Now it's time to cyber-stalk Elina Furman. Who is this person and why is she writing this post? Is she even a parent? I don't think this is the right Elina Furman. Strangely enough, Elina is not listed under Babble's contributors page at this time. Well this facebook page comes up in relation, and there's a link on the wall too. But is this FB page related? The info page doesn't say much, but what's this Mamaista business? Mamaista is a slick little site with a really nice design.. mom related, Elina looks like she might be a mom. But the about page still doesn't confirm it's her. Who own's mamaista.com? Ahhh.. Leah Furman, same last name. And someone who appears to be my neighbor. I see... a feature on Mogul Mom about Elina Furman of Mamaista.com, with her sister Leah.

Ok Elina, you're legit. Nice article and good luck with your business! :-)

Food Training!

2009-11-11T22:46:00.008-05:00

by Lincoln

I guess I knew in my mind that you have to teach a child how to do everything. But every time I hear about another kind of "training" we need to start doing, I'm thinking to myself: "WOW, that too already?!". Everyone knows that babies don't sleep through the night right away. The first thing I'm always asked is: "Is Arthur sleeping through the night yet?". YES he is! But no one ever asks if he eats by himself or poops by himself. I guess those particular essential life skills slip the mind!

We've been struggling with trying to "food train" Arthur as dictated by Dr. Frenchy. While we've normally followed Dr. Frenchy's advice on most things, we have not been able to subscribe to his methods of food training. According to Dr. Frenchy, we are to leave a bowl of food in front of Arthur and just let him be. He will figure out how to eat. If he throws the food on the floor, mealtime is over. Limit his food to 3 square meals a day with no snacks in between. If we let him snack, he won't feel hungry, and no lesson will be learned. Dr. Frenchy certifies that after 10 meals, Arthur will be eating by himself.

We just can't bear the thought of letting Arthur go hungry. I'm not about to let my kid starve!! In addition, there's really no way we're ever going to convince the Grandmas to follow this. Both Grandmas are literally feeding Arthur 5 meals or snacks a day or more. So we've been doing our own method of trying to show Arthur how to eat by himself by guiding his hand with utensil to scoop the food into the mouth. If it doesn't work out, we basically just feed him! Call it the "Half-Assed Frenchy Method".

Normally, after about 30 seconds of mealtime, Arthur is reaching for Liz's bowl or plate and trying to eat off of it. She usually relents and gives him her plate and they share for the rest of the meal. We did try to switch things up by giving Arthur the large "adult" plates while we used the "baby" bowls for ourselves, just to see how he would react. He refused to eat altogether. So much for that experiment!

Nevertheless, after three weeks, it actually seems to be working. While Arthur has not grasped the idea of scooping, he is able to stab at the food with a fork and shove whatever he ends up with into his mouth.

Now that the "food training" is underway with a little bit of success, I've begun to hear the instructions about potty training. Apparently, we are supposed to quit using diapers. If he "goes", he'll feel discomfort and he'll learn not to go in his pants. Of course, we suffer the cleaning consequences.

Expect a far more unpleasant blog entry soon.

Happy Halloween!

2009-11-03T22:16:00.009-05:00

by Lincoln

So what DO kids do in Manhattan for Halloween? When I was a kid growing up in the suburbs, it was as simple as joining the next swarm of kids that ran by. We went house to house. If the lights were off, there was no candy to be had. But in an urban setting like Manhattan, where the white picket fences are replaced by skyscrapers and office buildings, one wouldn't think that there was anything to do for children on Halloween.

Wrong. There's actually plenty to do for Halloween for kids! Here's what I saw:

1. Store-to-store: Stores and restaurants in our neighborhood actually had baskets of candy ready and groups of children were abound collecting it.

2. Block Parties: Various single blocks around the island were closed off and the local residents and homeowners decorated the street, setup tables, had food and made it fun for everyone.

3. Inside the building: For residential buildings that are big enough, children could trick-or-treat from apartment to apartment. I know of some complexes that get really organized about it and setup a list of "Halloween friendly" apartments that children are supposed to stick to.

4. Special Events: Events are planned by non-profits, museums, parks, etc. for kids all over the city.

Liz opted for the Halloween Celebration at the Museum of Natural History and brought Arthur along with a brigade of our cousins and extended family. While I do very much enjoy the Museum of Natural History and was intrigued about the event, I opted to work and run errands, so I didn't go. Let's be honest here, Arthur is not going to remember this Halloween. This was an excuse for the women of the family to dress him up in a little outfit, giggle and gush over how CUUUUTEE he is! On top of that, there were 15,000 people anticipated to be in attendance. No thanks! Once Arthur is old enough to ask me to take him trick-or-treating, I'll be all over it!

Arthur was not digging the outfit but he was definitely really cute! It was reported to me that he was completely awestruck by the life sized T-Rex skeleton and stopped in his tracks for several minutes. He had an awesome time.

PS: While there is plenty of to do for kids, there is infinitely MORE to do for adults. As dusk came in, 6th Avenue was being closed off for the Halloween parade, leaving me stranded with 4 large bags and no cab! (Thanks to Liz and her sister for coming to the rescue with a car!) Once night fell, the crazies were out in full force and the swarms of kids became swarms of 20-somethings hollering at the top of their lungs. I worked until about 2am, when I decided to step outside for a slice of pizza. The crowd on the street was a mix between a freakshow and a circus! Once I made it back, I was greeted by an extremely inebriated 20-something male, dressed up like a woman with breasts, lipstick, mini-skirt, box of tampons and lord knows what else, struggling to make it up the stairs. I only had one thing to say: "Don't puke in the hallway please." Maybe it's time to move to the 'burbs!

Scolding and Disciplining

2009-10-28T21:00:00.001-04:00

by Lincoln

I'll be upfront: I'll be damned if Arthur turns into a spoiled brat. As the weeks go by, Arthur is gradually turning into a little boy before our very eyes. With that has come defiance and assertiveness. You may find this strange, but I actually find it pretty exciting. Our little boy is starting to communicate with us! We've read the books and have been practicing the advice of Dr. Frenchy and Dr. Karp and trying to teach Arthur to deal with frustration. I think it's been going pretty well so far. Arthur definitely gets mad (like right now, literally!) when he doesn't get this way and he does throw tantrums, but he gets over it. We've been making sure to act non-chalantly when he throws tantrums, giving him timeouts when he acts inappropriately, and teaching him patience by making him wait. We also have him a on a schedule for napping, eating and bedtime so he doesn't get overwhelmed everyday. Whether or not any of this makes a difference remains to be seen. I hope I'll be blogging soon about how Arthur has so wonderfully skipped passed the terrible twos!

Now while I think Arthur is doing fine, I do pay attention to the parenting styles of others and how their children react and behave. Sometimes I am amazed at what I see, like that gigantic kid at the Gymboree who knows how to say "bubbles", knows how to step into his own shoes and is the same age as Arthur. It's ok, he's a whiner otherwise. (*snicker*)

I have been observing a pair of parents who follow a much sterner "old school" approach than we do. Which means they yell, scold and sometimes even slap on the wrist. This approach began when their kid was only 5 or 6 months old. Even though this approach is not our style, I could not overlook the results as their son is definitely pretty mature for his age. By 12 months or so, he was listening to instructions ("Get out of the kitchen!") and stepping into his pants. Pretty impressive! When I wondered out loud about the merits of this approach to Liz, an extremely fervent and loud tongue lashing ensued and I nearly had to sleep on the couch. Well that was the end of that!

No, I don't think I believe in scolding and disciplining at such a young age. I've only yelled at Arthur once, which was when he knocked over his bowl of cereal, milk and all, all over the floor, my pants, my shirt.. you get the picture! My reaction was delayed from shock, but a sonic booming NOOOOOOO slipped out of my mouth! Anyway, at 16 months, I think Arthur has only just begun to really realize what's going on around him. I mean, what's the point of yelling at a 6 month old? Or even a 12 month old? It's not like he has any idea of what's going on anyway! According to this article from CNN, studies show that spanking infants and toddlers can have long lasting, detrimental effects. Children who are spanked as 1-year olds were more likely to be more aggressive as 2-year olds and children at that age do not cognitively understand the difference between right and wrong. This article highlighted what Liz and I have believed all along. Even more alarming is this study that suggests that spanking can lower a child's IQ. (Thanks to Parentdish for pointing it out)

Anyway, Liz and I are in agreement that there will be no reason to spank or even loudly scold in the near future. We'll worry about the big-boy issues later, but we'll dish out lots of love for now! Liz has even gone so far to avoid the word "no" altogether to reduce negativity. I find that hilarious. Is there a difference between saying "don't do that" and "no"? Sorry Liz, I'll get ready for another tongue lashing now.

The Future Development

2009-10-21T16:00:00.000-04:00

by Lincoln

This past weekend, we met up with some extended family for dim-sum (Chinese brunch) to spend some time, catch up, and let the kids play around a bit. It was really great to catch up with everyone and observe the different personalities running around the restaurant!

The future of our extended family was on display and it brought back memories of how me and my cousins were the same way once. Also in attendance was Jordan, the original front-baby of GuessYourBaby.com!

He's a big boy now and he even has a little sister, Juanita, who is also a big girl now too! I still crack up when I see Jordan holding that bat with the sinister grin on his face.

The great thing about these kinds of gatherings is that it really gives us a chance to talk with trusted family about parenting. Liz and I had been thinking about sending Arthur to a daycare / preschool and we had a chance to speak at length about this topic with Jordan's parents, Karl and Kandi.

Surprisingly, this whole thing was my Mom's idea. Arthur's development seems to be progressing very well. He's very curious and he seems to be as social as a 16-month old boy can be. Whenever we take him out, he is drawn to other children and he even tries to talk (babble) to them! As my mother spends two days a week with him, she has been feeling that Arthur may need more stimulation and group activities to usher him along and further develop his social skills. She also felt that Arthur was getting bored of the same books and toys and it was starting to become more difficult to keep him interested without him whining for TV. It's tough to keep a toddler entertained! Liz had also floated the idea around to other mothers and they seemed to think that a day-care situation would be a good idea, even if it was only for several days a week. On top of all this, we thought it would be a good idea to give the Grandmas a break once in awhile.

So we took a look at a local preschool called Love A Lot Preschool. Liz had heard good things about it, so she made an appointment for us to go check it out. Of course, the first question I asked before even going was: "How much is it?" She refused to tell me! After a few minutes of incessant badgering, she finally relented and said: "about $900 per month." I was aghast right away as she explained that the $900 wasn't even for a full-time program! Anyway, the day of the appointment came along, she peeled my butt off the couch and off we went with Arthur in tow.

My first impression was good. The gates were locked and there were uniformed security guards. The woman who gave us the tour seemed to know what she was talking about as she explained the curriculum and their philosophies. The entire program is be run like a school with classes focused on early development (colors, shapes, alphabet, numbers, exercise etc.) and the children would be constantly monitored in their development by trained experts to identify any problems. As we walked around the facility, everything seemed to be orderly and put together. They had special bathroom facilities designed for children, a gym, and nameplated cubbies for each child. The ratio of teachers to children appeared to be a healthy 1 to 3 (we were promised at most 1 to 5) and the children in the classes we observed seemed to be well engaged. According to school, 75% of their "graduates" continue into "gifted" kindergarten. (Whatever that's supposed to mean!!)

Arthur had a blast as he swiftly ambled up and down the hallways, barged into classrooms and even tried to muscle his way into the 3-year old yoga class. It seemed like he approved of the place! As for me, I did like the idea of having trained professionals overseeing my child. As rookie parents, we wouldn't necessarily know if something was wrong. For example, one of the things I am paying most attention to is Arthur's speech development. While he seems to be doing just fine, one of the services the school provides is facilitating speech therapy if it is required with costs covered by the state.

Naturally, there was ONE SPOT left in Arthur's age group. The $900 per month fee was actually more like $1600 per month and we were encouraged to make a quick decision.

Sixteen hundred dollars per month. That's $19,200 per year. That's nearly as much as my college tuition was! As I began to work out our finances in my mind, the panic really started to set in. I remember when I was young and single, I used to scoff at those crazy parents who were sending their kids to $10,000 per year preschools as if they were trying to engineer themselves the next John F. Kennedy. Now here I was, thinking about sending Arthur to a preschool that cost double that amount!

So what was Karl and Kandi's take? They did send both Jordan and Juanita to a daycare/preschool for the same reasons that Liz and I are thinking of. Only they sent their children to Stillwell Prep in Brooklyn for a mere $380 per month! They had nothing but great things to say about the Stillwell Prep and they raved about how both Jordan and Juanita had such a great learning experience. Juanita, who has just entered kindergarten, is miles ahead of her school's curriculum. I glanced over at Liz and we telegraphically agreed: "Maybe it's time to move to Brooklyn!" Though I doubt DUMBO would be much better (as in, cheaper!).

What's the big deal about preschool anyway? Is it really worth it? According to this CBS News piece, preschools of today are more then about playtime and napping with a focus on education and it is recommended to develop a child's social skills. However, according to this UC Berkeley study, a family's social status impacts the effects and benefits of preschool in that children from lower-income families show greater improvement versus those of middle-class white families, whom showed diminished benefits. Alarmingly, the report also states children who are sent to pre-school too early show a slower pace of social development. Well that would defeat the entire purpose wouldn't it!

So Liz looked to the BabyCenter Community for some additional opinions on what other parents thought on the matter. A whopping 84-percent of respondents (48 out of 57) did not agree with sending their children to an expensive preschool. The opinions varied from extremely against ("GAH!!! NO NO NO. Never.") to moderately against ("Find someplace cheaper"). Others made some valid suggestions on lower alternatives, such as library, community center and even local high school programs for toddlers. Not surprisingly, those from Manhattan were not surprised and some were paying the money. Overall, the consensus was that preschool is not necessarily a requirement and that we could do just as well at home. That's aside from the conclusion that Manhattan is RIDICULOUSLY EXPENSIVE!

The search goes on and we haven't reached a conclusion yet. But between his grandparents, extended family, friends, us and of course the BabyCenter Community, Arthur is in good hands.

Life Lessons for Arthur

2009-10-14T00:04:00.003-04:00

by Lincoln

In my mind, I often play out conversations that I will likely someday have with Arthur and I think about the kind of advice I would give. Arthur may not yet speak, but I don't think I'm the only parent that does this. In a July post titled The Rules: 25 Life lessons for my daughter, MetroDad laments about how his father never had any advice for him. You could say I've been thinking about this topic since before Arthur was born. And I will definitely say, I've thought an awful lot about my own relationship with my father in the process.

I am of the belief that parenting is all about trying not to "screw your kids up" too much. I know that both of my parents, in their successes and failures with my siblings and I, were only trying their very best to do what they thought was right for us. I certainly didn't understand this as a child and I still remember scoffing whenever my mom would say "wait until you have a child someday." Mom, I get it now!

While my mother was a housewife and she was the one that "raised" us, my father was undoubtedly the patriarch, master and commander. His words pierced and his influence over my entire personality is both undeniable and evident.

I owe my Father everything. And I appreciate everything he's done for me. I couldn't ask for a better Dad.

Our family household was not of the typical Asian mold, where the Mother tends to the house and the Father is silent. It was more like chaos and my Father was never short of things to say. Growing up, it was advice, advice and more advice (Actually this hasn't changed all that much!). Advice on everything, from the simple to the serious. Typical scene in the car: Older siblings incessantly arguing with my father while I stare out the window. For some reason, I was the one that took to my father's words the most and followed his mold. His way of thinking was seared into my brain as I followed his footsteps and studied engineering in college. Later on, I even made a career switch into his field despite success (and talent!) in other arenas. Somehow, my own passions and beliefs were lost through it all. It took me a long time to realize that maybe that wasn't such a good idea. This may be a ridiculously abbreviated version of the story, but you'll never hear me blame anyone but myself for the choices that I made. But I guess I finally grew up. And now I have a kid too!

Unfortunately, I never got to meet my Grandfather, but I'm told that he was a man of few words and short on advice. As the pendulum swings back, I pledge not to allow my own personality to overshadow Arthur. I will work my butt off to give Arthur the same advantages that my parents gave to me. I do have lessons to teach and I want Arthur to have a good head on his shoulders, but hopefully my advice (where appropriate!) will be more like suggestions and less like mandates! If the boy wants to be a musician, let him be a musician.. hopefully he becomes a rock star! Without the drugs, of course (Yes that's a MANDATE).

We'll see how I feel about this in 15 years.