The Adventures of Baby Arthur

by Lincoln

Yep. The questions and comments have been going on for months. These arguments have gotten louder, especially now that cousin Wylie is expecting a brother or sister!

"When are you trying for #2?"
"Is another one on the way?"
"You know, Arthur needs a sibling."

He NEEDS a sibling? Does he really? Now I've heard all kinds of arguments about why someone might NEED a sibling, but quite honestly, I don't buy them. Not most of them anyway. You've probably figured out by now that I'm not up for having child #2 at this moment.

Others have said that an only child will become a self-centered individual. That may be true in some cases, as I can think of some individuals who were only children that fit the bill. But I also know my friend Dina, who is an awesome mother of two, great person and the furthest thing from self-centered. I think the parents have more to do with that than anything. Then there's the rationale (A very Chinese one) that Arthur could use some help dealing with US (Liz & I) when we get old. Liz doesn't want him to take care of us all by himself. I seriously don't even want to consider that someone might have to take care of me when I'm old. I'd rather be in the ground, or perhaps a nursing home! (I can't speak for Liz on this one!)

Finally, there's the argument that it's lonely to be an only child. That it's nice to have some kin to grow up with. I wasn't an only child so I can't say, but does that have to be true? Arthur already has a family, Wylie (a cousin his age) and more cousins on the way. I might buy this argument though, but mostly because I do think that siblings can help each other as children. Older siblings can teach the younger one and the younger one can learn by watching the older one. Wait a second, what does the older sibling get? Hell if I know, I'm the youngest!! Maybe they can learn from each other.



The other week, Liz organized a play date with her best friend and 3 year old son Albert. As I watched how Arthur followed Albert around, I felt a few chinks developing in my armor. It was kind of amazing to see how Arthur took to Albert so quickly and wanted to do what he did! Just like a little brother following his older brother.

The truth is, there is no guarantee that Arthur would even get along with his sibling. I've seen it happen and I know how it feels. Like I've said before, the biggest bully I ever faced growing up was my own brother. While the stories about how he once made me do my homework in the closet sound funny now (I just wanted him to shut-up and leave me alone.), bullying leaves a mark. But what counts is what happens when we're adults, and that is not guaranteed to be pretty. This bothers me a great deal.

In the end, the single biggest factor is whether or not BOTH parents are ready. While Liz may be more ready than I am, I am not ready at all. Aside from the financial questions of how we'd pay for both of their $300,000 M.I.T. educations (NO PRESSURE! ;-) I have my own personal reasons for not being ready. So until Liz and I are both ready to turn our keys for launch, there won't be any firing of any kind!

Labels: fatherhood

by Lincoln

The stars aligned today. No Grandmas were available and Liz couldn't take off. As for me, I luckily have an understanding client so I was able to call out. So it was just Me and Arthur today! Though I'm not sure how, this was actually first time I've had the baby all to myself for such a long period of time. You would think it should have happened many times by now, but somehow it hasn't! I guess I'm one lucky guy!

7 a.m.: Liz says to me, "You took off today right?" Oops.

At this point I'm thinking to myself, "Who says I can't take care of my boy! To hell with them!" This is not a joke. You could say Liz has gone to some lengths to shield me away from solo child-care duties. I know she's just trying to be nice, but at some level, I'm sure she doesn't trust me! She then offered to call her Mom up to come over, but I wouldn't have it. (What was that? Babysitting a 19-month old is exhausting? Whatever! Bring it on!)

8:00 am: I take this opportunity to take a quick shower and start on Arthur's breakfast while Liz is still around. Scrambled eggs and mushrooms, toast, apple slices and milk.

8:30 am: Liz departs. Du du du dummm.... Arthur doesn't care too much for the eggs but eats the toast and apples. Too bad little man, no more food 'til lunch!

9:30 am: After cleaning up and spending a little time reading with Arthur, my phone starts to ring. It's the office (and other clients!). Within minutes, I have two laptops running, a slow cumbersome vpn connection open and emails to reply to. All of this is happening while Arthur is sitting on the couch, happily causing mayhem by throwing whatever he can find on the ground. Somehow, I get my emails out, documents sent and whatever was needed done! Well, I think so anyway.. I guess I'll find out tomorrow!

10:30 am: Arthur falls asleep. I figure this is a good time to start on his lunch: Mac & Cheese. Now I'm thinking about how Liz scarcely bothers to cook whenever she's taking care of the kid! (She relies on takeout and whatever food was pre-made for her in the fridge!) Granted, she doesn't cook anyway, but I'm gonna one-up her by making Mac & Cheese... from scratch!

11:00 am: Arthur awakens, but he's not rested enough, and is very cranky. To make matters worse, I'm not done with the lunch prep. Now I have a clingy toddler in one arm while the other is finishing off the Mac & Cheese. Pride carries me through and the Mac & Cheese goes into the oven.

11:30am: Arthur will not allow me to put him down! Now I'm thinking about how my Mom never puts him down to sleep. I'd always tell her to just put him down. She'd always say, "He needs to be held! I can't put him down, no time to do anything else!" Well I'll be damned if I end up giving in! Somehow, I manage to trick Arthur by holding him until he falls asleep, setting him down with my arm behind his neck until this body warms up the bed a bit, and slipping out. I should patent this technique!

1:00 pm: Arthur awakens, but is still groggy. However, I decide he's had enough sleep and I show him his lunch, which piques is interest because he's ready to eat! Unfortunately, the Mac & Cheese overcooked while I was discovering my patented sleep move. Oh well, we eat it anyway.

2:00-4:00pm: My strategy now is to wear Arthur out. I take him to the park and I make him walk! I boldly leave the stroller at home. We go to Whole Foods. Now I'm thinking about how Liz always complains that it's awfully hard to grocery shop or otherwise run errands with Arthur. PFFT!!! Not only am I going to buy groceries, I'm going to stop by the YMCA to check out their toddler programs!

Perhaps, I bit off more than I could chew. I ended up with a 25 lb toddler in one arm and what felt like a 40 lb bag full of groceries in the other, as a result of a clearly overzealous shopping operation. I briefly consider taking a cab home, but I don't give in! We go to the YMCA, where Arthur does some stairs. We struggle back home on foot.. and Arthur, like a good little trooper, does his fair share of walking. Sure it was only a block or two, but good enough for a toddler! I give Arthur a treat for being trooper.. a cookie and juice. (Sorry Liz!)

5:30pm-6:30pm: Time to cook dinner for Arthur. Now I'm thinking about how my Mom always makes my Dad come over while she cooks dinner because she can't manage to do it while Arthur is around. She's worried he'll somehow hurt himself, or get burned if he hangs out in the kitchen, or something other. I'll be damned! Not only do I let Arthur into the kitchen while the stove is running, I let him play with the pots and pans on the floor. Amazingly, he puts them back when he's done. I have no idea where he got that from! Dinner is served (Beef, corn and macaroni, yes from the same box used at lunch!), and he's hungry!

7:00pm: Liz's brother shows up out of the blue. Which is helpful, as I can quickly finish the chores while he watches the baby. Then I give Arthur his bath.

8:00pm: By now I'm feeling pretty.. exhausted. Man, where's Liz?!? (Liz had a business dinner to go to)

8:30pm: Liz arrives home. Hallelujah! She puts him to bed at 9pm. (Actually, she's still trying to put him to bed.. I think Arthur had too much activity today and he's having trouble sleeping. Oops.)

Anyway, Take That Liz! Daddy and Arthur did just fine by themselves! Yeah fine, I'll admit it, it's pretty darn tiring and I'm glad you do it more than I do!! Now call your mom back!! *smirk*

PS: Liz's mom is a machine. She has Arthur marching to a strict regimented schedule and she can probably lift more than I can! She fearlessly hauls baby, stroller and all associated bags or groceries etc. up the stairs in one fell swoop. While Arthur sleeps, she swiftly cleans the entire apartment, floors, sinks, bathrooms, kitchen, everything! I think she does too much, but man... what can I say??

PS2: No Mom, this is not a criticism. I think you are wonderful with Arthur and we couldn't do without you.

PS3: Take THAT Liz!!!! See previous posts for your compliments!

PS4: Just kidding Liz, You're a wonderful mother and you do an amazing job! *snicker*

Labels: fatherhood

by Lincoln

My cousin Noliz asked me the other day if he could borrow Arthur... to pick up chicks. Heck, I was offering my friend Pedro that chance a day after Arthur was born! What better way to get attention from the opposite sex than a cute cuddly baby? Any single guy knows that right?!

While the last thing on my mind has been to attract attention to myself, for the last 18 months, the attention has nonetheless been nearly non-stop while transiting Arthur from place to place. These days it's not as much, but it was surreal when Arthur was less than 6 months old. The stares, the awws and the cooing was incessant on the street, on the subway, on the bus, in the restaurant and every other public place we went to. Women of all ages, shapes and sizes were striking up conversations with me. That sexy 21-year old coed that wouldn't normally pay me any mind would first smile at Arthur and then make eye contact with yours truly! Oh wait, is that Liz standing next to me?

It wasn't just the single women. Nice old couples who's children were probably all grown up would strike up conversation. Other parents with children of their own would ask how old Arthur is. The worst time was when I couldn't tell what gender another parent's baby was.. "How old is... yours?" And somehow, they always seem to know Arthur's name without an introduction. Are they eavesdropping on my one-way conversation?!

Honestly, I've never gotten used to the attention. Normally, I'm a stare at the ground, listen to the i-Pod and walk from point A to point B as quickly as possible kind of guy. I don't normally talk to people on the street. Does that make me a typical New Yorker?!

Anyway, carrying a baby around definitely brings the wrong kind of attention. It is absolutely not going to help anyone pick up anything. Noliz, Pedro, if you need a wingman, get a puppy! As for all you gushing singles ladies, MAKE YOUR OWN!!

Labels: fatherhood

by Lincoln

I know I'm one of those annoying parents that's constantly marvelling about the tiny but new things their child does. While I try not to do it too much in "real life", I know I do it all the time on this blog. Sorry, I'm at it again.. but for the past week, Arthur has been running around the apartment exclaiming "dada! dada! dada! dada!". And Grandma has reported to me that he sometimes even looks around for his dear old dad when he's not around. C'mon, how could I not report this event to the Adventures of Baby Arthur?

Quite honestly, I'm not really sure why he does this. He's certainly still a Mamma's boy and whenever I come home, I'm usually greeted with a scowl and a fervent, disapproving shake of the head. It's as if he was expecting someone else more interesting to come through the door, like Mommy! It's ok, he warms up pretty quickly after about 30 seconds of attention. It's touching to see I've been making an impression!

It's also a bit terrifying. While it doesn't take a genius to know that parents have an overwhelming influence over their children, it is still quite difficult for me to comprehend the fact that someone will be hanging on my every word and action, no matter how innocuous, unintentional or absent minded it may be. I still feel like a big kid and I don't feel like I'm anyone special either. I mean, why should anyone listen to me??

I remember back in the third grade, my father, with all his wisdom, revealed to me and my next older brother (there were 4 of us) that we were "accidental". Not knowing what the hell that was supposed to mean, I automatically took that to mean "unwanted". This comment was used as ammunition against my father throughout my teen years and I probably didn't really understand what the hell it all meant until I was much older... until about, 18 months ago! For some reason or another, my father never bothered to sit us down and explain to us what he meant: That accidental doesn't mean unwanted, and that sometimes life is unpredictable, and that you just can't plan everything. Sometimes the best things in life are bourne out of accidents and parents love their children unconditionally! Thank god for champagne!

At least, that's what I hope my father meant and felt. That's the line would give to Arthur anyway.

Labels: fatherhood

by Lincoln

My little boy made me proud all weekend long. Among other things, he helped me set the table by transporting a bowl, ate his lunch nearly entirely by himself while I ate mine, and even walked to our newly erected Christmas tree to pose for a photograph when I asked him to.



Simple things yes, but the list of "He Did What?!" grows every day! In fact, I even negotiated a tantrum with him! When I took away the broom despite his screaming protestations, I picked him up a couple inches off the ground and sternly asked: "Do you want a timeout?" He nodded no, I put him down, and he calmed himself.

So what was the common denominator for Arthur's angel-like behaviour? Liz wasn't around! Ok, I'm exaggerating slightly.. of course Liz was present for the tree decorating and the broom incident was from sweeping up the pine needles! However, I do have a point! Arthur acts much differently with me than he does with Liz. When it's just me and the boy, there is order in the universe. We hang out, we do our thing, nap time is enforced and there's minimal whining. When Liz is around, the fits of neediness are definitely more frequent!

Alright, I know it's because Arthur is much more attached to his Mommy and seeks greater attention from her. As I rarely cave in to the whining, I do think there is something to the fact that I let Arthur get away with less (except for the cookies I gave him before his bedtime today, oops). But many of fascinating things that Arthur can do now, like pointing to his body parts, stomping his feet and shouting "hooray!", are a direct result of Liz's tutelage.

Nevertheless, I get a kick out of telling Liz she ruins everything whenever Arthur and I have a nice civilized time together!

Labels: fatherhood

So this topic turned out to be a sore spot. After some bickering and discussion, here is Liz's position and Moira's comment for those of you who didn't see the comments because you're getting an RSS feed. If you're one of those, hey check the site directly!

Liz Says ****************

Look, I get it. I know all kids will have to go through criticism, judgment, competition (whether good or not so good) and such. We as adults go through it everyday of our lives and at times we are even our harshest critics upon ourselves. This is the way the world works and it's tough but it is reality and there is nothing more that I want to do than to provide Arthur with the necessary skills, mindset and attitude to handle them BUT in my opinion, there are some things at such an early stage that really he just does not need to know. At the end of the day, does keeping score about one’s ability to out crawl or out walk another toddler will really make a difference?

The reality is, kids these days probably have more to deal with at school, with friends, on the playground that we ever had to experience in our childhood. In fact, they will have a lifetime to learn how to compete and deal with criticism and such. They will experience it throughout their teen years then into their adulthood, their careers, grad school, with their future friendships / relationships, with their bosses, with any sports activities and the list goes on and on. Thus, there is plenty of time for children to learn how to handle criticism and judgment. They will go through a lifetime of judgment from their peers alone and quite frankly I do not want to be one of his critics. Not in the way, where it could possibly hinder him or damper his spirits. I will provide my criticism when time comes and when I deem appropriate where he can learn from it if he chooses to.

My point is, why start it out so early? To me, I want to give him the support and confidence he will need to know how to tackle adversary and know how to win a good win but on his own terms. The lessons he will learn will be his own, we can only advice him as he goes along and set good examples.

When I initially read the "Keeping Score" blog, I felt kind of sad. Not so much that Arthur has taken his time with crawling to walking as many toddlers do but the fact that one day, Arthur may read this at some point when he is able to. Who knows at what age? Will it be an age where he can read but does not yet have the maturity level to grasp the content of it but just mistake it as a critic about his crawling and walking abilities? Will he truly comprehend the content that his father is not judging him but merely pointing out the facts assuming that he can read at an early age?

In my opinion, there are just some words and actions that are best left in the adult world. Let children be children and thrive and grow and experience the ups and downs that the world has to offer. It is our jobs after all as parents to acknowledge the fact that toddlers at this stage will do things at their own pace and it is our jobs to teach them as best as we can and be patient with him as he is with us as we are ourselves learning to be parents.

Moira Says **********************

Where do I begin? I can understand both Lincoln and Liz's POV.I think whether we like it or not, there are and always will be comparisons amongst children (even adults, for that matter). All parents use another child to "keep score", especially first-time parents. My friends and I always ask each other when our child has reached a certain milestone.

Myself and See-Fut also keep score in our own way...not to see whether Wylie cant "outscore" someone else, but to know that he is on the right track. As first-time parents, it's tough. You want to make sure your child is going in the right direction. It may be a little too early to start and worry. As Liz points out, they WILL have to face alot more as they grow older, so why start so early?

In the end, we all just want what is best for our children. By no means do we mean to criticize them....we are the ones who created them! We'll love them no matter what!

Labels: fatherhood, motherhood, parenting

So Liz is unhappy with my last post. She is worried that Arthur will grow up, read the blog post and feel as if he was inadequate because of what I said.

I have re-read the post and I can't find a single statement that is critical Arthur. If anyone considers my compliment to Wylie ("advanced model") as a detraction on Arthur, well i'm sorry you feel that way. For the record, when I say "Keeping Score", I mean I remember the facts. The same way I remember how the Knicks lost Game 7 in the 1994 NBA finals. The game where John Starks shot 2 for 18. The game where Rolando Blackman should have been in the 4th quarter!

I'll take this another step further. I believe that Arthur is going to need thick skin to survive in this world and if he takes compliments to others as a criticisms of himself, then that's a problem that we're going to have to work on.

And Arthur, if you're reading this, Daddy only meant to say that he is proud of you! First words at 8-months is fantastic!

Our argument for now is left as a "difference in parenting."

Liz and Moira, lets see your comments!!

Labels: fatherhood, parenting

by Lincoln

Arthur
born: 6/24/2008
weight: 7lbs 7oz
length: 21 in.

Wylie
born: 5/9/2008
weight: 7lbs 14oz
length: 21 in.

Who here is keeping score anyway?! Cousins Arthur and Wylie may only be apart by 1.5 months, but Wylie has thus far proven to be the "advanced model."

At a mere 5 months, Wylie was crawling all over the place. By 9 months, he was walking. Soon after, he was taunting everyone around him by walking circles and drinking from his sippy cup hands-free!

Arthur has taken his time so far with such things. Perhaps it's my obsession with sports and statistics that causes me to keep score in the back of mind. I can't help it! I don't think I'm alone as a parent that anxiously waits and looks out for developmental milestones, such as speech and walking. I am also well aware that all kids go at their own pace too!

I guess always thought that "first word" and "started walking" were fixed and unambiguous events before Arthur came along and I didn't realize that there were gray areas of what counts and what doesn't count. Starting at about 5 months or so, Arthur started babbling "dadadada" and "mamama." Yes, in that order! I figured that the first word would only count if Arthur spoke the word on command or answered a question, so I didn't take those encouraging noises to heart.

By 8 months or so, there was more or less the same babbling going on with no clear signs of a first word. We try to read to Arthur as much as we can to help with his development, so we had been anxiously awaiting for some results! At about that time, my good friend and mother of two, Dina, came to visit me from the West Coast. As we discussed the first words dilemma, she informed me that her children took quite a bit of time before they would speak a word on demand and that Arthur's babbling words should count if he looked like he was trying to communicate. Just a few moments later, Arthur enthusiastically looked up at me, reached up and exclaimed "Da!". Dina, an authority on kids, counted the word.

I WIN! HE SAID DADA FIRST! And by 8 months too, not bad! :-D

By now Arthur has definitely said Mama and Dada. I swear he even said milk once as he pointed for his bottle! We've also made out a some Chinese words here and there (thanks to Grandma). This weekend has also brought even more excitement as Arthur has unquestionably taken his first steps. He stood up from a sitting position with nothing to hold on to and took 2 or 3 steps all by himself before sitting back down.

I couldn't be prouder, and it isn't because I'm unconsciously keeping score!

Labels: arthur, fatherhood

by Lincoln

I've been stricken with a 101-degree fever for the last 3-days. But that isn't even the worst part. The worst part has been having to avoid Arthur as much as possible. For the last three days, Arthur has been clamoring for my attention, trying to get into my room, reaching out for me when I am around and wanting to play with me. It definitely feels good. Because, there's no greater gift than a child's laughter! (*snicker*)

It feels good because it wasn't always this way! When Arthur was born, I had grand plans about being an involved father in every way. That plan basically went out the window once Arthur figured out how to distinguish between Mom and Dad. It went further out the window once Arthur figured out who his Grandmas are! By six-months it was damned near embarrassing:

1: Arthur crying
2: Dad picks up Arthur to calm him
3: Arthur cries even harder
4: Mom / Grandma takes Arthur away from Dad
5. Arthur is happy

At our routine pediatrician's visit that month, after all of our questions had been answered, Liz looked at me and said, "Do you want to ask? About Ineffective Dad?". I shrugged my shoulders and just as I was saying "Ah don't worry about it," Dr. Frenchy put his hand on my shoulder and with his best French accent said: "Oh don't worry. Your time in the sun will come. I used to be pissed when I came home and my kids would run away from me!".

Actually, that did make me feel better. I had been talking with other parents, reading books and all the regular parental research so my mind knew this phase would probably end. It just didn't make it much easier! Ok, sometimes it did: "LIZ! ARTHUR NEEDS YOU!! NA-NA-NA-NA-NA, I'LL JUST KEEP WATCHING TV."

As Arthur closed in on 12-months and beyond, I gradually and noticeably started moving up the hierarchy. He began taking notice whenever I came and went. He started following me around the apartment. A few days ago, he reached for me while he was being held by Grandma! (MIRACLE!). And even more recently, he reached for me while he was being held by Liz (ACT OF GOD!).

I've come to enjoy my ascent in the pecking order of Arthur's affection and I hope this fever doesn't lead to my demotion!

Labels: arthur, fatherhood